Borealis I feel violated
in my mind

I don't like having my thoughts examined.
not afraid..
but its a dislike..
maybe I still hold to the principle that there are some things in this life which should be considered sacred..inviolate..untouchable.
I want my thoughts to be untouchable.
luminesence perhaps that which is permeating your darkness is indeed light from the outside allowing you to finally see for the first time that which was until now invisible.... 040510
Borealis maybe I could always see it..
I was just afraid of it.
pete you left me violated. alone. you searched my rooms. you examined even my bathrooms. you asked my why i have a razor since i dont shave. you probed me in your own way. examining my music. i would have perfered if you looked at my books. i am more my books than i am my music. but the way you drew from my music was shocking. alarming. asking me what was on the lovey mellow mix. i looked at you and said that you gave it to me. why am i combining two people into one person? you told you what was on it. you said that your mixes were usually lovely and mellow. you brought up those painful memories, those thorns still lodged in. those remains of the rose that was. atleast with you the forth dawn never came. why am i alluding to my own epic poem? i might as well go as far as quoting my self...

sipping on the sorrows of yesterday
a new dawn a new blade a time to play,
just sipping on the sorrows of yesterday
with a new dawn an new blade its time to play.

i cant remember what comes next. i remember when i read it i made atleast two people cry. i guess that is why i did so well on it. or the 40 pages i had written up to that point. the rough copy is a hundred and a bit.. but.. i would be violated letting anyone read that. the first draft, the paper draft, is for me alone. you have one, dont you? now i am making three people in to one person. you are not all the same person. i dont even know one of you that well! argh. i should stop typing. i should go to the library. i should take out 'winter days' by ar ammons. it is somethign like that. i really liked 'coast of trees' .. such a poet. pete stop talking. violated. again.
minnesota_chris sometimes mean people will abuse you just so you will stop them. I think she wanted you to stop her.

And you are your medicine cabinet, and your neglected music collection, whether you want to be, or not.
rage fuck you for stealing my thoughts
fuck you for reading them
fuck you for bringing all this shit up again
fuck you for now knowing me way too well
what's it to you?
who go