came_and_went REAListic optimIST you came to me in transition; hurt, broken, and dissillusioned. bitter, cynical gaze reflecting candlelight from the tiny tear of hope, hidden even from you. i took you into my arms, my life,my heart. i took your past in stride. i did my best to understand. i did not judge; i believed in you. i let go of myself; trusting, caring and gave of myself to whomever you were, to whomever you were becoming. i came to you in transition. changing, prioritizing, and restructuring. hard, resolute gaze reflecting moonlight fromt he trembling tear of fear, hidden even from me. before you'd take me into your arms, you judged me. you made your permutations, then set your dials based on the results. your tests were biased, your results confounded, and permutations flawed. you didn't know me but oh, yes you thought you did. you never let go of yourself enough to know me. you turned away from teh foul stench of my sense of need. my need to be loved and to have someone to whom to turn. i relented, and we agreed on friendship. but it seems you've reneged even on that. you've abandoned communication leaving only broken dreams, broken promises, and broken bridges. and the plant i bought for you which you refused has sat dying unaware of its symbolism both of the idea when i bought it to symbolize keeping our spark alive - the same spark which kept us talking for uncounted hours that day in decenber, and so many since - and of its present death. so, even though its leaves are curled, and its flower droops unblossomed, i'll prune the flower and nurse the plant because it deserves to live, because i have to know it died not for lack of care on my part, and because there was an unspoken promise which i'll not break. so be it, let it remain unspoken. summer, 2000 031125 ... nomatter the old cloth of the chair always reliable when the pain overwhelms it was able to relieve i miss his eyes wether they were consumed by pain or not the smell lingered for awhile we all took advantage leaning over to smell i wouldn't sit it was his throne who are we to disturb his peace 031125 what's it to you? who go blather from