paxil
rubydee "we don't know exactly what it does..."
in other words you probably shouldn't even ask becasue there is no answer. and you hate not getting an answer.
i know you.
010620
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girl_jane I've been on it twice. Both times I "forgot" to get it refilled because I didn't want to have to take a tiny yellow pill each morning to be happy. I wanted to be happy on my own.

The doctor said last time that I'd have to be on it for about 5 years to be completely ok. I stayed on it for about 5 weeks before I got tired of it.

I've been fine for a while, almost a year, but I can feel myself slipping back.

I drive 1/2 an hour to school and again on the way home. Most days, on my way home, I start crying once I get out of the city and stop just in time for my face to cool before my mom sees me.

Sometimes I'll stop on a gravel road and scream until it feels like my throat is on fire and bursting out of my body.

I'm thinking I might go back to the doctor's.

I'll see you soon little yellow pills...
020503
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Abbie Doesn't make me happier... it just makes me numb. I read three articles about it:
1. It's one of the only two antidepressants that are addictive
2. All the research done on it was on adults, not adolescents (i.e., me)
3. One in fifteen children/adolescents on it become homicidal. As in, they kill someone.
I decided to stop taking it.
040209
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rubydee she's back on it.
and in some ways it makes me insanely jealous
of the stolen serotonin excess,
borrowed from tomorrow.

call me a pleasure_delayer these days.
040319
what's it to you?
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