times_i_think_of_you Iren3_adler I brush my teeth. I think of your smile and my heart aches and I brush harder. My teeth will not go as white as you. Sometimes, I sickly envy your lack of calcium. I run my hands along the banisters at work and they are solid. They remind me of beating patterns upon your collarbones. My fingertips seek softness. Your skin is not there. When I am eating alone. Your voice echoes in my ear and I wish I could call you. "...Hey you..." I'd say. When I apply lipbalm, the scent lingers, thick and heavy in my mouth. I think of your lips. I am always thinking of your lips. I touch myself. I say your name as I come. I think of you pushing me against walls. I think of your muscles. I moan. Your name on my lips as I come. It is always your name. I hiccup and I hear your voice "it hiccups! so sweet!" and I fiercely deny it. You are not there to hear it. I stand a little taller. For a millisecond your hand was in my back. For that moment, I believe in myself. Then you are gone. I bend slightly. I travel alone on the bus. I check my phone 13 times. You have not reached for me. I am proud of you. I am sad for me. I check blather religiously. I read your poems. I write you into scraps of poetry I throw into the bin. You are stuck in my fingers. I light a cigarette. I think how you would chastise me for this. I am smoking every night. It does not make me look cool. I enjoy the dizziness it brings. It is detaching. I finger the edge of the poetry books you bought me. I spy the tiny hearts in the corners and the sparse underlined words. I see you in every sentence. It has been only 4 days. You are still not here. But you are everywhere. I want to write you a thousand emails. I write this instead. It does not satisfy. 141204 ... unhinged . to_alex to_tony 141205 ... shpaaaaaaaaaaaa shpaaaaaaaaaaaa 141205 what's it to you? who go blather from