affame_le_geant_the_911_operator fyn gula saumboo checked his nose as he waited for his ring to be picked up. squeezing and deftly measuring its length with nervous fingers, he found it to be of normal size and breathed out a huge sigh of relief. "twenty," a voice, calm and expectant said. "excuse me?" saumboo said, totally perplexed. he was sure he selected the correct number from his speed dial index. "what is your emergency?" the voice questioned with a hint of sardonic impatience. the 911 operator was a twenty something art history graduate from brown. who took the job while she waited for a position at the guggenheim to open. "is this 911?" saumboo asked, and he tried to catch the words before they leaped from his tongue but they were slippier than siver fish. he knew he sounded like an idiot, because it was obvious with a question about what type of emergency he was reporting that it was 911, even though they called it something different. "why in the hell did you say twenty?" he really thought and that is what he wished his words to her would have been. "what is 9 + 11 ?" she asked, as if she was reading his mind and he was in second grade. her tone was now curt. "what the fuck?!" saumboo thought, but he did not swear aloud, because he was a gentleman. he was pissed, however. so instead, he said, "twenty," like a hood that smokes filterless camels and spits in the presence of girls and acts tough even though he weighs only 122 pounds. "very good," the operator said. "understand now?" "actually no," saumboo remarked. "i don't see the relevance, especially when you probably deal with very distraught people seeking your help." "shut up," she said. "it calms people down if you want to know the truth. do you want to know the truth?" "i want to tell the truth," saumboo said, thinking about the recent wasp bite giant nose fiasco. "is knowing the truth and telling the truth the same thing?" "they are brother and sister," the operator answered. "then who is the father and mother?" saumboo asked. "impulse and impetus." she answered. you could hear her lips smacking from the gum she was chewing and a bubble popped. 020411 ... okitsmeagain i called 911 and she sed 92. wassup with dat? 020412 ... squidgeboy she be playin' homey. 020413 what's it to you? who go blather from