deliberate_disassociation ashmanzhou wonder why and how we are standing over the precipice to the worldless bliss that i doth crave-i stare to the'abyss and my thoughts turn nightmares screaming hating i doth scream in symphony dreaming waking up to my life and fall back cold from the self-same hell untold i wish to end this walk to the edge and throw myself to the gluttonous mercy of my death else i will stay here consumed inside my torment-death will almost seem kind 030910 ... pipedream a thing i do to myself to see what happens to the people around me when i do. i derive a sado-masochist interest from it; let's see who will care if i haven't said a word today. it hurts me more than it does others, and it only makes me even harder to fathom. i know it's not fair, but i guess i'm just desperate for SOMEone to kick my butt and say 'i can see through you' when i do it next. i don't NEED saving, i just like knowing someone will save me if i need to be saved. then i can fly. 030910 ... jezabel because it's better when we can love and hate in the same breath and with the same emotionless_passion. 030911 ... imposter Why? I don't understand where the hurting stops and I begin. 030912 ... doyouwantme all is vanity there is no point since the truth cant be expressed here that really sucks im jaded 030913 ... blah-ze ash always said it so well. this seems to be the idea of the day... so everyone else, piss off. and if i don't come back, don't come looking. i'll be fine. if i am not, don't worry, i can't get much worse than i am now. ahhh... blessed aloneness. 031225 ... curious alone is not blessed, for blessed is the company of three, favouring a boast of fare, celestial in light. 031226 what's it to you? who go blather from