a_phony_call_exposed re_alisma Dear ______, sorry i haven't called. i don't call anybody, really, since i've got a sublimated phone thing going on. because the real one never got used often enough, i think. it's a mess. calling somebody on the phone seems like the most unnatural thing in the world. because there's nothing visual about it... i've also grown allergic to my last name, which is kind of phone-like. no need to tell me that it's stupid. it eats away at me, so i know it's not-the-smartest. i guess people use phones for the internet now. something i'm nowhere near. but then again, i don't have cable TV, either, and rarely watch regular TV. i'm not the most Luddite person there ever was (obviously), but i don't find myself affording the fancy-pants technologies. in other news, i'm doing this 100 breath meditation thing morning and night and the most amazingly annoying electrical disturbance happened at count 100 the other night. i think it can't be right, because it doesn't seem very desirable. so, what's up with that? too much excitement? too much coffee? dopamine? wonder if this practice will disallow some of the crazier things from sneaking up on me... or will it make things worse... it's hard to be certain, and that's why i seem to have to go slow and tell people i'm probably not worth the effort... and waiting... and uncertainty... and all the garbage i'm forced to endure. so i'm also studying better than i have in a long time but i get the feeling that my doctor would probably just tell me to cut it out. he's like that - doesn't really believe more than the leisurely life can be garnered. the drugs are working, right? yep, the drugs are working. okay, just don't take on any stress and we're SET. it's still going to get better, though. it's still impossible to let that thought go. and i think that thought is why people use the phone and other fancy-pants technologies. when they're not doing business or telling the spouse to pick up some milk or whatever. so, you see, i'm stuck in the HOPE ZONE. thanks for listening, ______________ 100928 what's it to you? who go blather from