work_out jane for my 32nd birthday, i bought myself a gym membership. i had never been to a gym, aside from one time i visited the Y with my ex to use the pool. i also bought a car, but that was a necessity of independence. not ready to write about the marriage yet. so i went today for my first workout, my first experience with a personal trainer. i am hoping to chronicle my experiences here, hoping i will maintain consistency and hold myself accountable. there are more things i still need, some decent workout clothes, headphones, a bag. hopefully nothing too fancy. just to get by. i don’t know the names of everything we did today. John asked me about my goals and nutrition. my body fat is at 27%. i cant help but wonder what it was back when i was frail at 96 pounds. apparently i don’t eat enough. “the body is like a machine,” John told me, “and if you don’t keep putting fuel in, it won’t know when the next food is coming and it will store what it has.” more protein, stop skipping breakfast. 10 minutes on the treadmill at 2-3 mph, keep the heart_rate around 120. squat twice to check posture. some kind of ab hold? and planks. holding for 20 seconds each. pulling up holding onto bungee ropes in each hand. squat and pull bands in to the side of my body. squats with a kettle bell that’s “only 22 pounds”... could not lift that fucker over my head. fuck, i felt stupidly out of shape. John said i did well, especially with the planks and the ab holds, better than most beginners. i went back upstairs to the treadmill and did another 20 minutes or so, working my heart rate slowly from 156 down to 130 or so. i power walked a mile at an incline and burned 100 calories, according to the machine. wished i had headphones. cheers, to the beginning of this journey. to health. to feeling stronger. to investing in myself, even afterwards, when i felt like crying for whatever reason. to moving forward. to working it all out. 171205 what's it to you? who go blather from