reasoning_for_it jennifer How can I say I'm sorry I say things in haste not to be taken seriously but, yet they were... I meant them at the time one brief jagged moment but now I wish that ..::this::.. wasn't as permanent as it is. God, I longed for you... I hoped and prayed this would work out, that we could have something, if even a friendship. But I never could, and still can't, understand how someone as... as... perfect and wonderful as you could pay me any mind. Even in high school, I always wanted to be around you, like, perhaps, your light could somehow rub off on me and make me a better person. When you expressed interest in me, my mind flashed back to all the fiegned interests... when a person is only shown one kind of love, they cannot accept any other... I was afraid that it was indeed a game, so I saw things that weren't even there. I got, for lack of a better word, jealous. It was so hard for me to understand that you wanted to be my FRIEND. I never, ever wanted to imply that you couls do such a thing... that you are that cruel. But I don't know you. You've always seemed to put on this false front, never let me get close enough to understand you, your pain. I guess I did tha same thing... I'm just so afraid of being alone. I had a four-hour discussion about this very subject with Mark... he made me promise not to end it. It was hard. I think I pushed you away because if anything did happen to me, I didn't want you to be hurt too. I didn't want you to have to go through the loss of a friend. But, in the end, it was I who was cruel, not you, and I know I hurt you more than I can ever imagine. And I'm so sorry 000404 what's it to you? who go blather from