let_me_tell_you_a_story elegance fie and listen here sweet one. Black things happened almost exact this day a single year ago. a boy called Cat. he knows me into my insanity right deep down in the black of my soul hole. he doesnt know the brightandsparkle of this girl. doesnt know the cherry flavoured lip-gloss, nor the sparkly pink eyeshadow all he saw was black black black athiesm, altruism, angst, hiding in rooms and vomiting into black binsacks stashed under your bed so no-one hears the retch. he saw the scars he was jealous of so deep they were that he couldnt bring himself to do that to him. we walked long dizzily and fasted together. no no we never ate. we drank tea and said "Life is shit, I want to die" all day punctuated by many cigarettes. We wore black all the time and wandered around looking beautiful he and i pasty faced and swishy clothed lizard-skinny people. We kissed though both he and I had another. And I took what was another's from him. (We kissed, we fucked, I was his first.) Then I grew up and left away to another place. And he stayed, miserable with his insanity. I left it all behind. My Crazy, My Black, My Binbags. My Michael. SInce then we've talked on the phone. Only rarely. And only about fake. We talk about drugs and Significant Others and he lies and tells me how happy he is and I tell the truth and tell him how happy I am and we smile at each other and we both see the deamons in each others eyes. I don't want to talk to him any longer. I am happy and in love and he makes me a scared little girl afraid of the monsters that went away when I got big. But now theres a new sting in the tail. My cat is sick of life and is going to die. I saved him once before, but now there is no point. He's worn by this cruel world and needs to be lain to rest. I dont know which will burn worse. Losing him without making peace or making peace getting close and then losing him. that's the end of my story. 040617 ... elegance .... 040819 what's it to you? who go blather from