screaming_let_me_out ferret i want to escape from inside of me. i want to be everything that i am not. i want to be you. can we trade lives? please? i hate everything i am, everything i tell you that i am is a lie. i am nothing of what i speak. i speak of nothing compared to what i am. i want to be the opposite of everything that i already am. i hate "me" the me that i want to be is far from the "real me". i'd love to tell you what i am but i'm still having trouble telling myself. i'm having trouble accepting this because i don't know if i should accept this. this could be what i need or it could be what will eventually destroy me. i would love to tell you how i feel about you but it's too much of a risk, i know that you would think no less of me but i don't want to place this burden on you. i know that you would be accepting but i don't know how much knowing would change you. you could be feeling the same thing as me, but i guess i'll just have to work this out little by little. but i don't know if this is healthy. or maybe i do, and just don't want to admit it to myself. i don't know if this is acceptable, i know that certain parts of society would accpet me, and eventually everyone would, but i'm still not sure if this is what i'm supposed to be, what i should be, what i want to be. i don't WANT this but i have it, i don't know how to get rid of it or if it would even be beneficial to do so. God, help me please. i need to know if this is ok. i need to know if i can come out into the light. 030524 ... ferret will you find me? 030615 ... icy i found you. perhaps i'm not the right finder... 031031 ... jumps sometimes you don't know how beautiful you are until you change into everyone else and suddenly realize what you lost. Maybe you just need to develop what you have that makes you different. When you throw it away it's like a shadow always clinging to everything, and never finding it's way back home. It hurts to go through always lost, but it's better than being found to be plastic. 040316 ... .nom pictures, unpainted yet poems, unwritten still 050123 ... jane it's the terror of knowing what this world is about watching some good friends scream "let me out!!" 050819 ... pete let me in! 050819 what's it to you? who go blather from