redtree_innerviews_eating_stars redTree what are you living for? what would you die for? what would you kill for? 080505 ... eatingstars what i am living for: i am living for the future i am living because i am alive i am living because i want to be living [even though not living often sounds appealing] does this lead to the question ... "why do i want to be living?" i think it so. i don't know why i want to be living. living seems so trivial but inside the trivialness lies a certain intricateness. LIFE - while boring at first glance, intriguing with further inspection i am slowly starting the 'further inspection' stage, it seems to have taken me a long time to get past the 'first glace' stage. so that doesn't really answer the question. i want to be living because i enjoy being with and seeing people and things i love i enjoy thinking i enjoy doing i enjoy being i want to live because i want to enjoy. so above when i said i didn't know, that apparently was a lie. 080509 ... eatingstars what i would die for : unless i kill myself, or plan for someone else to kill me, which currently seems rather unlikely, i really don't have much say in how i will die, or for what reason - be it natural, say a disease, or accidental, say a car accident, or pusposeful, say a murder (or suicide). in this day and age (well at least in the society i live in) dying for a cause is a rarity (unless you're fighting a war...) so i can't really think of something that i would willingly die for. the obvious answers: friends family but really, would i die for someone else? there are only a few cases in which this is even a possiblity, all of them being seemingly unlikely. take a stray bullet? take a stray stabbing? i can't really fathom a situation in which i get to plan out dying in the place of someone else, it's a split second leap -- you can't say in advance whether you would actually make that leap, supposing a situation ever arose. give away a vital organ? maybe. but would the person dying really want me to give them my vital organ so they could continue living? i don't think they would. i wouldn't. so i don't believe in the obvious answers. i'd rather answer the question ... "what do i fight for?" it seems more practical. i fight for self respect (it's hard to respect yourself) i fight for respect from others (it's hard to demand respect, especially if you don't respect yourself) i fight for respect for others (it's hard to stand up for a person, it's hard to forget the flaws in question and speak of a person's beauty) i fight for what i think is right (it's hard to even know what you think is right, much less fight for it) perhaps i'm wrong. perhaps the obvious answers are right. maybe i would die for my friends. maybe i would die for my family. maybe i would. 080509 ... eatingstars what i would kill for : a planned killing? i don't think so. if given the right situation, i might kill someone, but i can't imagine that i killing is something i could plan out in advance. 080509 ... eatingstars i retract all earlier answers. 1. i'm living because i'm alive, because i haven't decided to not be alive. 2. i don't know. 3. i don't know. 080520 ... redTree you have been chosen as the world's new super hero, but you can possess only one power that you must select from the following two choices... 1. the ability to fly 2. the ability to be invisible which one do you choose? why? what will you call yourself? 080704 ... eatingstars i would fly. there are many ways to become invisible, you don't need to have it as a super power. i don't think i would call myself anything new, i would still be me. 080722 ... rEd tree how do you become invisible? 080722 ... eatingstars invisible to self: stop taking care of your needs stop doing what you want stop thinking stop caring POOF -- invisible invisible to others: stop going out stop calling stop talking stop communicating invisibility is disconcerting because people "friends" seem so willing to let this happen without much thought or concern a long while ago i spent a year or two being invisible perhaps not superhero invisible, but invisible nonetheless 080726 ... redTree what creative ideas have you been having lately? 080727 ... eatingstars i made a shirt actually, drew on a shirt a person eating a flower i want to make a tree shirt by sewing on fabric to an existing shirt but i need fabric and i need to learn how to sew but i'm guessing sewing can't be that bad i'm making a garden and pulling the weeds bringing the dirt soon it's time to plant and add stepping stones and love i'm planning to paint a large tree to cover this mirror that i don't want in my room i need a canvas and some paint and some painting knowledge i want to write a story involving clouds and draw some cloud pictures to go with it those are the most obvious ideas i have although there are a few other random ones flittering around in my big cave of a brain 080806 ... redTree how's it going with these ideas? 080815 ... eatingstars no tree shirt yet. the garden needs things to be planted. the garden needs more love. i bought paints and brushes and a canvas. i am painting little pictures teaching myself techniques painting is fun no stories yet, but soon, i hope. 080823 ... redTree i could love your garden. what's the matter with it? 080824 ... eatingstars for a long time it was just old hard dirt with weeds and blackberry bramble and bush things. then after removal it was just old hard dirt with some weed stragglers. recently we added some empty raised bed boxes. today we got fresh delicious moist dirt and planted some cabbage and kale and salad greens and carrots and leeks and maybe something else too. i do love my garden. lots. i am excited for growth 080825 ... redTree eating, eating, eating stars...how does your garden grow? 080902 ... nom ohhh kale! yum enjoying reading 080903 ... eatingstars it grows with sun and water and dirt i wonder how much humans are like gardens. i hope that i produce something that makes others equally as happy as the gardens that produce blueberries make me. 080904 ... redTree i totally agree with you about blueberries. we have several bushes here at robin_hill and have relished the indescribable delight of popping a sun-kissed handful of the plump gems into our waiting mouths... what would your human garden have to produce to make others as happy as blueberries make you? 080905 ... eatingstars i've thought about this for a while. i'm not sure i could ever say what would make others happy, especially considering i often have difficulties knowing what makes ME happy. i mean, i know trees and robots and monsters make me happy. however, trees and robots and monsters might cause someone else physical trauma. since i'm the one reaping the majority of my garden's benefits, i think producing what i want and love and then hoping for the best is really the best i can do when trying to please others with my garden. and actually, i hope there are people not satisfied by my garden because i'm really not interested in pleasing everyone. 080908 ... redTree what is it about trees, robots, and monsters? how do they make it happen for you? 080909 ... eatingstars do i start with robots? maybe it's not really a robot like a robot robot, the ones other people might talk about, think about. especially not the almost-human robots. maybe more the idea of a robot,,, no. the way the word sounds, row bot.rooooobot. robotrobotrobotrobotrobot. roberttherobot. robertisarobot. robotrobert. robertrobot. i don't know. the feelings the sound creates. the word itself? but it's more than that. an eatingstars_robot_imagination_creation. in addition, it's imagining the world as little robot creatures running around, cute little robots doing what cute little robots do. little robots sweeping and cleaning little robots laughing little robots working little robots playing little robots living in clocks little robots getting carried away little robots sleeping it's robot land robots everywhere! robots nowhere! there's one little robot, in the heart_of_robot_land. is it possible to ever completely describe how or why something makes you happy? can you ever satisfactorily explain why you love something[someone]? is it possible to ever know the whole why of a love? i just know that robots make me happy, and i don't see how i could ever... unlove them. 080910 ... redTree i think we can attempt to describe what provides for our happiness, yet words are insufficient. it is the memory of our happiness that is easier to picture. i draw cartoons of my happiness. no, you can never explain completely why you love. you love because that's what you do as a human. it is essential for life itself. i think your love of robots and even the word r o b o t is inspiring. it makes me want robert to be my name for some odd, hairball reason. what will the painting look like that you might make for me? 080911 ... eatingstars monsters next. mister monster. monster monster. dear sir, YOU ARE A MONSTER. we are all monster, you and me, them and us, yes -- monsters. monsters are often misunderstood. watch out for the monster under your bed watch out for the monster in the sea watch out for the monster in the dark what about watch out for the monster in me watch out for the monster in you watch out for the monster in your best friend these monsters they're everywhere why do monsters make me happy? because i have made the big scary monster into a common occurrence my own little monstery secret 080911 ... redTree and now...trees? 080912 ... eatingstars trees. they are so beautiful dancing and rustling in the sun their roots gripping the earth with confidence they belong where they are and they aren't giving up without a fight beautiful beautiful trees they're even beautiful after they die i love trees. 080913 ... eatingstars i think i love trees more than i have the capacity to explain. i've started painting your picture. at first it was a light blue background, like sky, but then i tried to add grass, which didn't go over so well, so now it's a green background, all green. i sketched a picture of what i want to paint,, it's going to look like : robots getting carried away. 080913 ... redTree i'm excited that you started my painting...how about if we trade? i will make you a magazine about robots and monsters and trees as i see them... how about that? 080914 ... eatingstars that sounds wonderful, i have never heard of such an exciting magazine. what kind of apples? 080914 ... redTree the apples are organic, and so they're all gnarly, but they taste good, like eating one is all you need to eat. they're magic apples. but maybe by "picking apples" i meant harvesting the fruit of our soul's labor. the cycle spins to autumn and so time to gather all the fruit hanging on our trees. perhaps the best part is trying to give them names. have you painted anything on the green background yet? 080915 ... eatingstars i have, i would imagine i might be finished in a week, or at least i hope, because once school starts, everythings takes about 10 times longer than planned. 080919 ... redTree are you going to art school? 080920 ... eatingstars no actually, i go to school for math and computer science. i just paint for fun. i'm really not an amazing artist, i just like to draw and paint and write whenever i feel like it. 080920 ... redTree do you design and create a website? 080921 ... eatingstars i have not created a website, although perhaps i could. 080922 ... redTree if you had a website, what would it be like? 080923 ... eatingstars i'm not sure i'd have a website about just me, that's too much me in one spot. but if it doesn't have to be about just me, then probably it would have pictures and paintings and writing and music. i don't know. some stars. some words. some sort of something. this is a hard question. 080923 ... redTree did you ever finish that suit of armor? (birdmad_draws_some_red_blanks) 081113 ... eatingstars i did not accomplish obtaining or creating a steel suit of armor made especially for me. i probably realized a steel suit of armor would not accomplish the things i wanted it to accomplish 1. it would have done nothing to guard against words 2. it would have done nothing to boost my self esteem 3. it would not have done a better job of sustaining the battle wounds caused by the war of life than i was already doing 4. it would have been heavy when all i wanted was light however i am disappointed as a steel suit of armor would be pretty amazing and also rather fitting considering its relation to my name 081114 ... redTree what are the top five events of your life this year? 081209 ... eatingstars this may not actually be a 'top' 5 list. it is hard for me to remember what happened this year and what happened last year. actually, it's hard for me to remember what happened at all. so this is more of a first five good things remembered list. 1. a taste of the rest of my life. working as a software development intern this summer allowed me to get a sneak peek at my 'real' world and i'm excited to graduate into it this coming june. i am worried about actually finding a job though. 2. visiting my good pal who lives quite far away. we talk all the time but actually seeing each other was quite amazing. 3. making new friends. this year i met and made friends with 4 amazing people that i really love to talk with and be around. making new friends is not something i excel at and i do not feel nearly as comfortable around many of the friends i do have. 4. purchasing a road bike and a laptop. people always say that 'things' shouldn't make you happy, but i think what they really mean is 'things' can make you happy but you shouldn't rely on 'things' to be your only source of happiness. what i'm really trying to say is that these things have brought me a bit a happiness. i live in a very hilly area and riding around on a road bike is so much more feasible than on a mountain bike. now i ride my bike everywhere and i love it. before i had a laptop, i used to spend a ridiculous amount of time in my room glued to my computer. now i spend a ridiculous amount of time glued to my computer, but i can be anywhere i want! the living room, the kitchen, the table, my bed, the book store, school, etc. etc. 5. the mudvayne concert i attended recently. it shames me a little to pick this over say... my brother's wedding, but there it is. 081212 ... redTree where did you travel to visit your "good pal?" any memorable events while there? 081213 ... eatingstars i traveled to boise, my hometown. i stayed with my parents and it was really nice to see them. it was mostly just a trip full of relaxation, especially since i spent the whole time i was there with a cold. there were many memorable events: playing scrabble with my dad, nighttime swinging, climbing to the top of a very steep hill to look at the whole city and the stars, driving in cars, watching movies, taking walks, talking. 081213 ... redTree are you going back to boise for the holiday? 081214 ... eatingstars i am going there the day after christmas for about a week. 081214 what's it to you? who go blather from