labor tender_square i was pregnant and about to give birth but the doctors had drugged me so that i would fall asleep during labor and i was trying to fight the effects of the medication. i got up and waddled around and told someone that i was a surrogate for my sister—which sister it was, wasn’t clear—and i was thinking about school and a presentation i had to do and whether i would get docked marks for being there or not. i mean, if i wasn’t keeping the baby, wouldn’t i technically be expected to be back in the classroom right away, say a day or so after giving birth? i sat at a dinner table, alone, looking out a sliding glass door into a yard. i wanted to ask my husband to join me because i didn’t think that it was fair or kind that i should have to eat by myself in that condition. when i looked across the table after no longer looking beyond to the outdoors, i saw that my husband was indeed dining in front of me and i was disappointed. eating with him was like eating alone. i said, “i’m going to have a baby.” he said, “i know.” it was as though my statement carried zero weight with him, that he couldn’t recognize or register what was about to change the trajectory for my body and my soul forever. 220320 what's it to you? who go blather from