better_left_a_memory a clever disguise I can't even understand you anymore. I know we grow and change and you had to grow and change or else die, but have you really changed? Or have I just grown up to how old you were when I loved you and now I see that to be this old and be like you were you have to be a monster. You were my family. You were the only one who believed in me and my dreams and wanted to help, though the drugs wouldn't let you. I need that kind of family now, but I can't find it in you, can I? I think you're better left a memory, but I don't think I can ever let you go. Even if I tried, you would find me and beg me to hold on like you've always done. "Every time we meet You're deeper in your grave And filling it in with misery Purposely impossible to save But I can't look away..." Inside_My_Skin 120110 ... .flowerock It's not even my memory to leave. But it is better left a memory. My mind is eating it up and unsatisfied, still hungry, still craving more information and understanding. Why don't I just let_it_be and be thankful for the present? Comfort you when you need it and keep living moments that will becomemories with you? You're the one I care for, the one who matters to me, the reason I am so bothered by this memory is that it has caused you such grief and left such a loose end in your life... you've more or less let it go though. You still wonder time to time and have dreams here and there... so I should let it go too. I love the dream I had where they turned out to be so nice. I want to believe that dream. I want mostly to respect them enough to let it go and to not project negative feelings at even the idea of them, it is difficult. So I do my best and hope my best gets better. 170114 what's it to you? who go blather from