reflecting_on_things_long_since_forgotten bufflehead i remember the sourish smell of your skin, the traffic circle outside our third-floor window, sunset at your parents' crappy-ass timeshare in connecticut. you, kneading pizza dough with your bony knuckes, spilling flour all over the kitchen floor -- so careless. i remember the silence i mistook for agreement revealed as the soundlessness of your black-hole heart. "there isn't anything more," you said. were you really that dumb, or just that shallow? the time i spent trying to understand you --- wasted effort. i remember the terse fights over unwashed sheets over what constitutes "a fair share of dishes" over whether two souls can truly hold common space, or must instead repel and fling each other into separate orbits none of that matters now years after i found you out. the happy surprise -- i can't remember who i was when i loved you. she swept up neatly into the dustpan to make room for something better. 030623 ... . . 041228 ... oldephebe my god! in the words of a literary critic gushing over charlie smiths poetry i gotta say that was just "scalding aortal brilliance" one of the pitfalls of an earnest stab at monogamy is the stagnant state it reaches when you awaken exhausted from all the well meaning thrashing around in that existential quagmire called matrimony. It brings you to a cold dark bed in the basement of a prison, one narrow thin mattres on a sheath of concrete chained tethered to the unremmitting bleakness of that gray wall called the holy bonds of matrimony. Marraige demands our best, and for some men, myself included there's not much beyond being sated by passive sports appreciation recumbant in the barco lounger inhaling nachos slathered in melted cheese, or being sated by the convenience of sex w/o having to shave or shower or indulge in that really hard clever pre-coital banter, or being sated by your wife's superlative culinary feats. anyway..your words hit me like a spear in the heart....very well put. ... 050119 what's it to you? who go blather from