i_could_just_die ferna I am so depressed I feel like crying all day today. And it has to do with James, with fucking him three times over break, and with how it wasn't just fucking him but really enjoying him for those moments, stolen, and how I have all of these longing feelings for someone, anyone to listen to me like he does, and that's really all. I feel a bit lonely, and that's really all. I'm so sad to go back to Pittsburgh with this knife in my stomach, this wet gag in my throat, this pang in my cunt, twisting myself around, wringing myself until I bleed bleed seep into the mattress, soak myself to sleep. I curl into a ball, feeling my stomach sliced open, my body livid and gashed seeping into the earth, seeping into my bed, and I cry so much for myself. But I don't feel sorry, not for me. I don't feel sorry for her, or for you, or for the days I let slide by my blind eyes. I feel sorry that you're not calling me, that no matter how hard this thing in my chest gets no matter how large the stone, I still need you to call me. I still need you to tell me that I I am the one I am the sex, the need, the thrash, the vial. I am the ass, the thighs the neck, the hair. I am the one, the one, the one who shocks your body into awakeness. 070318 ... ferna I really could. I am so ashamed of myself. My dad said the other day that my mom sees everything I do from heaven. And the thought made me want to cry for my shame. I feel so pathetic, so foolish and so low. I feel so lonely, so bereft, and so used. Will someone, someone please pick me up? 070318 ... ferna I really could. I am so ashamed of myself. My dad said the other day that my mom sees everything I do from heaven. And the thought made me want to cry for my shame. I feel so pathetic, so foolish and so low. I feel so lonely, so bereft, and so used. Will someone, someone please pick me up? 070318 what's it to you? who go blather from