a_few_things_that_make_me_human perfectly_chaotic human_credentials I have resented myself for repeatedly having made the same mistakes in regards to the opposite sex, sexual relations, drugs, alcohol, breaking the law, being dishonest with myself and others, unrealistic expectation, and believing I need validation from outside sources. I can have major feelings of anger and have spent most of my life repressing them. While I appreciate that my parents did not want me to fight they should have at least explained to me how to express that energy. Low self-esteem and self-respect have caused me to treat others poorly. I have been burdened by black clouds of depression, shame and guilt. I have become much too attached, envious, jealous, controlling, possesive and manipulative. I have, so far, started most of these paragraphs with a certain single-letter word. My love for others occurs when I can free myself from being oppressed by that single-letter word. Yet, I am learning to care for myself. My happiness is dependent on me thinking of you. So, yes, my caring for you is also selfish in a certain sense since I get something out of it too. My terror is relieved when I wish you to be well, happy, free from suffering, filled with loving kindness, filled with joy, and at peace and ease. 111006 ... Doar anger is so fucking easy, compassion, as I have learned, hurts like a (*&(&*#%. I wish I could have learned these lessons when I was 14 or even 11, although it would have not made any sort of sense at the time. It is easy to hurt people, done it, seen the consequences, felt the aftermath. Maybe that is the progression of this life, living and learning. What I have learned is life hurts. No matter what you do, it hurts. Understand why it hurts, and know that it hurts. I donèt know what else to say PC. Wisdom is not something I have acquired. . 111007 what's it to you? who go blather from