undertheblankie_with_ro realistic optimist in a self-indulgent half-sleep, i shut off one of perhaps three alarms i've had to set within the past year. true, i was only playing hookey from selling my plasma because i am in denial that i have sunk so low. i've not had to do such things for several years, though i've threatened and now, when i have no source of $ when the unemployment is gone and i have no clue how i am to pay rent suddenly i become like a stubborn child clinging to the false sense of freedom, the not having to be a wage slave the waking when i want to the pissing my days away where my only worry is money, and i have that worry when i work anyway. so here i sit in my jammies under the proverbial blankie. still somewhat in denial. ready to go to an orientation to collect signatures for a medical marijuana ballot measure. embarrassed, because going to coffee with the new friend-girl, i had not even a dollar to buy my own chai. yet i have been taking on most of my Responsibilities, and have laid groundwork for my next step, still after a year of soulsearching, i am scant inches closer to a Revelation. this newfound presence and self awareness has cost me the ability to have Answers delivered from on high. Answers which lead to Paths which i can blindly follow. and lost still am i. yet armed with more Tools than i know what to do with. open and listening, i find naught. what am i to learn from this? why do i resist that which Must Be? when will i overcome my Resistance to an overall organization of time? and why did i dream that i was gary coleman this morning while i was playing hookey? 040331 ... pipers *leaves a hug* gary oldman... :S 040331 what's it to you? who go blather from