and_i_remember pushpins the yesterdays, the ones in black and white like the opening credits to wonder years, where there is a montage of wholesome happiness and side smiles and boundless uncensored energy. Of course, you have to remember its all choreographed. but still, the flecks of black that always seem to appear on this low quality film flicker on the screen as I smile and laugh without restraint, and I'm not closing my mouth to make sure my braces dont show, and I'm not sucking in my belly because I'm laughing too hard, and I'm not tilting my head in that way that i know you notice that I do. Its all natural in there on the black and white screen. I still remember' when i lie in bed, all the little things we did that made me happy. I'm not so miserable as I seem. today i took a bubble bath and giggled because well, frankly, it was a jacuzzi tub and the bubbles were overflowing from it. i had candles and incense, but i wasn't being sexy, not when I'm alone. I was pretending to be a marshmallow and it made me laugh a real laugh because nobody was watching and I don't have to be like the movies even if I'm being filmed with my own memory. I can be real if i slip up and smile for real (its in my eyes when i mean it). at all those little things that play under my closed eyelids as I fall asleep. 020301 ... . . 020302 ... pushpins i didnt mean to put black and white like the wonder years opening credits right next to eachother (they arent in black and white) oops. 020309 ... fairydust that was wonderful 020309 ... little wonder i agree. i love your blathes pushpin/yummychuckle. 020309 ... pushpins aw i feel too loved. it almost burns... 020309 ... jane the way the shadows of the fenceposts splayed out like peacock feathers 050717 ... f i remember everything i feel the same even today 050718 ... nomme) all day long childhood songs 050718 ... sab i remember... i dont know what i remember 050719 ... mahayana so much that it is time to let go. 090119 what's it to you? who go blather from