no reason sometimes i wish they were about me 020313
than what what if they are? 020314
lou_la_belle they make me cry
feel lost
and alone
i can pretend
all i want
i can try
my hardest
to forget
and laugh
and take joy
in the little things
stupid things
they sustain me

i create a bubble
my own living paradise
where sadness
and jealousy
are not permitted
i wish myself
into a better person
and leave those things behind
or so i think

but reading your words
just reminds me
how ridiculous
this whole charade is
and my carefully constructed facade
comes crashing down

i'm so happy for you
i love my friends
love that they're happy
i just wish i was happy
truly happy i mean
there are many kinds of happiness
and while i act out one
the others elude me
i can smile
and mean it
i'll laugh
and be genuinly amused
but something in me knows
that i'm not actually content

why else would i tear up
frown and start to type
after simply reading your words?

it's not that
i want Him.
i want what you both have
and in reading your joy
i realize again and again
my lack of such

what a wonderful thing
that you found such light
i can only wish
that if i find mine
it shines just as bright
delial couldn't have said it better myself, lou... 040814
sad you said you'd call...
apparently I missed the memo
saying it as alright to lie
you've hurt me, because I hardly know you
and i trusted you
but now it's done
your beautiful face, i can see it
when I close my eyes
never more seen the same
your words, or lack of words
have taken away my faith in you
lostgirl cut through me
a knife in my heart

and you don't even know it
what's it to you?
who go