what_made_you_snicker_today no reason exchange heard in the bathroom at the club/venue: girl: "can you pass me some toilet paper?" other girl: "i will pass you LOTS of toilet paper... because i LOVE you!" 131010 ... raze at a used book store, the adhesive label for the "self-help" section had curled to the right just a little, so what it said was "elf-help books". those elves, always trying to better themselves... 131012 ... e_o_i Mine also doubles as a cautionary tale: if you're a poet, don't get involved in terrorism, or else the media will publish your poems before you've had time to edit them. The background itself isn't funny. Some Samantha Lewthwaite, a white British woman living in Africa, might have been part of the terrorist attack in Nairobi, Kenya, which killed a lot of people (and injured two people I sort of know third-handedly). But, good Infinity, here are the last two lines of her "ode" to Osama bin Laden, which the London Daily Telegraph calls a "warning to the West": "As for your enemies our words will be less. You picked the wrong army to contest. Al-Qaeda are stronger and fiercer than ever. Their was no victory for you Mr Obama. The honour is his on martyred Osama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I'll say it's a warning to the West. I guess we didn't emphasize the there/their/they're distinction quite firmly enough. Besides, sixteen exclamation marks? Note, however, that the British do not tend to put a period after "Mr." or similar abbreviations. And, unlike certain Tea Party-brand fanatics, she understands that while Osama and Obama rhyme, they are not the same person. Can I ask a favour of the FBI or whoever happens to catch her? Instead of torturing poor Ms Lewthwaite for a confession, please deliver her to me, whereupon we shall have a televised Scrabble match. That'll show al-Shabab - don't mess with the e_o_i unless you want to be symbolically humiliated! (I shall also accept the option of a rap and/or haiku duel. Just not chess.) 131023 ... e_o_i No! I'm a hypocrite! The original read, "As for our enemies..." (which makes marginally more sense). Oh well, drop a bomb on me. I deserve it. But not until we've had that Scrabble match. 131023 ... no reason well, yesterday, but still. i walked through the throngs of people in line to buy signs, and told them i was just trying to get into the connected wine store. a young guy (teenaged or early 20s?) gave me a high-five at that. as i walked into the store, his female friend said, "what was that? i don't know you!" and he said "high-fives are awesome!" agreed, dude. 140311 ... raze at a multi-part antique shop in amherstburg, someone took four large white letters that were once a part of a sign somewhere and stood them up against the wall of the barn so they spelled "poop". it's the little things. 140808 ... no reason reading about an em dash being compared with kim kardashian. i mean, it's a bit harsh (but to the em dash, or kim kardashian?) but still fun. 140812 ... flowerock the traveller kids with a sign that reads "only you can prevent cannibalism!" saying to people "it starts with you!" do they mean the prevention or the being cannibalized? the other side says "traveling broke and sexy" I like the funny ones. two cops on horses were looking for one of the traveller kid's dogs. The dog got hit by a car and ran off... they said they could get it treated and taken care of for free if they could find it and the return the dog to her human. kind police are refreshing. I hope the doggie is alright and was found. 140813 ... raze a cab_driver who, after saying nothing for most of the drive, came to life and launched into an unexpected tirade about how nissan is working toward releasing a "self-cleaning car" three years from now. "you know what happens to the car wash?" he said. "fucked up the ass." it was the self-satisfied venom in his delivery that made it funny. 140912 ... e_o_i Sea_enemas! The restaurant "opining" its doors was more of a what_made_you_chuckle_today. (In case I'm asked... no, I don't have a full-time job yet - this is just a freelancey thing, but sea_enemas made it worth it. Today.) 141019 ... nr i sent a thought-out email to one of my editors asking if i could have a day's extension on files, since unlike all the other editors, he sends them all—an entire magazine—in one day. (i don't think he expects the normal company turnaround for them anyway, but i wanted to send him a note just in case.) i thanked him for always getting files to me early, and said it was a bit difficult sometimes to edit an entire magazine in 24 hours, especially with other things going on. so i hoped this would work with him and blah blah. he responded, "thanks [nr]." well, okay then. brevity is the soul of understanding. or something. 160328 ... raze this right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkH1tcWN6pY 210914 ... unhinged a crow checking out its own feet while it was scavenging the sidewalk 210915 ... e_o_i Brock University Alumni Relations advertising a virtual painting class: "Learn how to recreate a beautiful landscape of the iconic Schmon tower and Brock’s infamous Sakura cherry trees in full bloom." Infamous Sakura cherry trees? "Infamous"? Dastardly is how I'D describe them. But each to their own. 210916 ... tender square so many moments in "little_known_facts_about_switzerland." brava! 210925 ... e_o_i Thanks!! Definitely indebted to Colson Whitehead and Hermann Hesse, though. ...My silly thoughts after I overheard one guy say to another: "You do you. I mean..." 210925 ... tender square unhinged's steely dan story in "tattoo." so random i will never forget it. 210926 ... e_o_i raze in make_me_a_poem! When I reread the words I'd posted, I figured they could go with a story about a dance practice, a meditation on bodily effort and what thoughts as well as results it might bring. Instead, there was mutual resentment between a leotard and a knee. AND it was hilarious. 210926 ... raze glad i could give you a laugh! :) for me, today, it was hearing what sounded like someone delivering the mail, opening the door, and catching the squirrel who stashed a massive walnut in the mailbox as she was in the act of retrieving it (i'm almost positive it was a lady squirrel). she hung out on the porch for a while before running off to hang out on top of the fence, but she stayed there long enough for me to grab my camera so i could get a picture of her giving me some serious (and seriously cute) side-eye. 210927 ... raze the captcha e_o_i just got, and what she had to say about it. 211001 ... tender square on the phone with my mom, who i interrupted as she was having tea with my aunt, when my aunt says in the background “cassie? you mean the janet jackson of the family?” 211007 ... tender_square eastlawn veterinarian clinic is all snazzed up for halloween, they even put a lighted orange b before their business name so it reads "beastlawn" now. 211025 ... raze the_catachresis_seller. add that one to the list of "hilarious buried red blathes". so good. 211027 ... kerry i was on the phone trying to schedule an appointment with a new neurologist and the grumpy schedule-person (is this a requirement, the grumpiness?) was asking me "demographical questions." she asked if i was hearing or vision-impaired. i said well i wear glasses and i often feel impaired. she actually laughed. she had a nice laugh. 211028 ... tender_square michael trying to teach me how to pronounce "bildungsroman"; i must've said it wrong 25 times in my attempt to mimic him. when he inevitably got frustrated with me i couldn't keep the laughter in. (why is it so hard to say?!) 211102 ... raze i meant to type something about someone thinking about committing suicide by jumping from the roof of a tall building (it was part of a dream). what i typed instead: "he looks like he's contemplating humping to his death." and aren't we all contemplating that, at one time or another? 211115 ... tender_square i was in close quarters with a coworker as my new running shoes made a farting noise—my sock was rubbing against the insole. i turned to him and said, “that was my foot, i swear. if that had been a fart, i would’ve owned up to it.” 220208 ... e_o_i And add an intersecting-interests-fan-gasm; xkcd made a comic about linguistics: https://xkcd.com/2567/ 220209 ... e_o_i Shuba: "What if Céline Dion sang WAP?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-K-_XqWVB4&list=RDMMP_Igr355iVQ&index=11 220224 ... tender_square reading nr’s half-asleep thought about bob_dylan. 220226 ... tender_square being told that i only love someone for their "linguistic pooping skills." 220408 ... nr the citronella lantern at the park helped keep the bugs at bay, but one still managed to bite me, on the boob. no one is teaching these bugs boundaries. 220617 ... e_o_i What no_reason wrote on "band_t_shirts"! 220829 ... nr "i just want someone... fun," i said, after going on about the importance and intimacy of shared humour and banter and playfulness. "and you chose toronto?!" he replied. i didn't choose it, exactly, but... point was taken. 220926 ... raze a decal on the back glass of a silver sedan that said this: SHITBOX 240309 what's it to you? who go blather from