i_just_realised brain stew the little that i do allow myself to feel marginally pleased at....that little is so easily applied to someone else that it leaves me breathless..i never really thought that you would feel like that about her still and for the first time i put your words in a her-context and something in me laughed mockingly at myself...and something else was suddenly silenced, that tiny little speck of a smile smothered with an abrupt shock of sorts. oh. its a very 'oh.' thing. i don't think i like it very much. 040403 ... switching identities the party will try and stop just for you 040403 ... brain stew y'think? 040404 ... ambermoon that its almost one in the morning and i have to get up early!!! ahhhhh 040404 ... somniac just sitting here reading again feeling sorry for you and sorry for her and sorry for myself and it just hit me i just realised you're a wanker 060924 ... photophobe profound. I may be a wanker, whatever that means, but you're be bitter about everything. By my reckoning, for what its worth, I win out on that one. Bitter about yourself, about your unrecognised heritage, about your claims to irreconcilable ways of thought, about your dad. I hope you get over your bitterness one day and become a person. But don't come looking for me then; I'm a wanker, remember. 080208 ... somniac I hope you've learnt to have friends who are just friends. I hope you've discovered that art can come from beautiful and joyful things as much as angry and horrible ones. I hope you've realised that you can be kind to people and still be smart and funny. I hope you can stop thinking of it as fear of light and see it instead as love of the dark. 120224 ... anouk I just realised what it is that mum isn't saying when we talk on the phone I miss you. I want you to come home. 130131 what's it to you? who go blather from