and_i_have_no_regrets endless desire the dirty things the bugs have seen: crawl between my knees, feet propped against the wall back arched as pure judgements slide through the cracks and kneed butter into stone. oh the dirty things the bugs have seen, beside my yellow bathtub, through the dust-filled screen. they hide under the wood and in the corners i so carefully ignore. and i know they've seen my dirty deeds, the skin peel off my chest. the moths know my secrets, the spiders breathe in my flaws, as i submerge a pale body into the icey water of that yellow tub. trying to clean, clean, clean myself. i feel that this time, i will purge my soul of all it clings to unwillingly. i scrub my filthy feet as my teeth chatter in the artic water. (this is the only way to be clean, i say) and once i have rid myself of the dirt and grime, of the days dust and the spirit's longings, i hold the soiled, white dish towel, close to my chest. because i feel it's wrong to rid myself of my experiences by scrubbing them away. it's not as though i don't see the value of the filth upon me. there's no part of me that wants to ignore the past, beause that only leads to hidden tumors manifesting themselves under my pure, white skin. however, i wish to remove these incidents from the thin layer they've made around my flesh, and hold them in that soiled, white dish towel. where i can remember, reflect, and rely on the things ive learned, without their hold on me like spandex clothing. i cry for the dirty places the bugs have seen, the naughty things my dashboards witnessed, the broken memories my walls have soaked in. i hope my blankets will forgive me, my journal won't forsake me, the screens won't retreach from my wooden window sill. because i loathe the things the bugs have seen so i'll lay my hands upon that filthy screen, and shout through the echoing fan to my left, [and explain that life is a fucked-up process] and i have NO regrets. 061025 ... unhinged 'my religion is to live and die with no regrets' milarepa 080331 ... hsg ^^ death and rebirth seen thru lucid_dreaming. karmiclarity 080331 what's it to you? who go blather from