my_calm_revenge A glint of tildans fury The white hot flood of pure hatred is good- its untainted, and supercedes my more confused feelings. I'm forced to swallow it, to reflect it inwards, prolonging my orgasm of fury like some kind of tantric immolation. I'm glad my calm revenge never took place. It would have been so coldly satisfying. But I needed help, and, lucky for all involved, my help was too busy, if willing. So it builds and builds, reflecting inwards and fuelling itself. Maybe my revenge has already begun? Maybe I just won't admit it to photophobe, that I'm capable of such a considered deathblow. Or maybe I'll keep it bouncing around inside, white hot and driving me mad. 020811 ... Toxic_Kisses His mom refused to allow me to talk to him over the phone (Why do all guy's moms end up hating me? what’d I ever do?) soooo I mailed him instead, hahaha bet she even forgot I have their address, so I can still communicate w/ him weather or not you -allow- it you priss! (I know he's always the one who checks the mail so I know he'll get it) 020819 ... Mahayana +living a happy-loved filled-life +making it on my own +not stooping to your emotional games +not toying with your emotions as you have with mine +realizing the blessing in disguise when you all of a sudden just took one of our dogs & left- the blessing in disguise allowed me to have my own voice back, my own strength back, my dignity, my family- you never liked to be around for more than 30 mins once every 2-3 years. and you know what- its ok that you couldnt see yourself loving someone like me cuz of a chemical imbalance in my brain, cuz somebody else surely would have and did and i am ever so thankful cuz of your ignorance in who you could & couldnt love cuz of a medical condition that someone as wonderful as sarah came along, cuz for once in my life i am loved [for me], for who i am and i dont have to change or give up any parts of myself for her love and thats... the way it should be 020819 what's it to you? who go blather from