i_want_to_die Vaz I want to die. Feeling like dying is the only feeling I can identify right now. Everything else is a bunch of meaningless observations I call reality. When you get sad, I'm sad. When you don't touch me, I get sad. When I try to comfort you and you aren't comforted I feel like I don't make you happy. Which means you aren't happy with me. Which makes me feel like dying. I was happy to have some kind of anchor to the world in you. Being a part of your life makes me a part of reality. Without you I would be lose, alone. I would have to rebuild myself. I would have to change everything. I wouldn't know where to go, what to do, where to sit, who my friends are. This week has been hell and I have no idea what's really wrong. Not even the smallest clue what's wrong. I am not making you happy. If the person whose name you called me last night was here, you'd be happier. And i feel like dying. I want to never leave my home again. Sometimes I feel you're perfect. Soemtimes I wonder if I make things out to be better than they are. Or right now I'm making things out to be worse than they are. I dislike the fact that spelling mistakes are marked by the fact that it might not have been blathered and is suspiciously un-underlined. 040402 ... blown cherry I'm no good at sadness. Anger I can do, hatred I excel at, guilt, well, I'm a little iffy at that I spose. But sadness I just can't outwit. 070106 ... Mary Fat-free butter can make you sleep. 070107 ... . . 071209 what's it to you? who go blather from