head_in_vise weather I've been on the verge for so long that I hardly needed anything to explode. Reeling. Reeling! Making myself stop while the sedatives kick in. Waiting for the sedatives to kick in so I can go to the pharmacist for more. I'm not clear on anything anymore. I don't know what I think and I don't want to know. P.S. Don't answer the phone when you're fighting off a panic attack. It scares people. It doesn't matter what I think about anything. I'm not going to be right. Its just my opinion. My perception of the world makes me unhappy. I don't like it. I don't want it. I can avoid thinking about things but I'm still unhappy. It's all too clear now that any goals I meet will still not make me any happier than I was before. My friends make me so unhappy. Having no friends would make me unhappy. My job is so hard. I go insane when I don't have work to do. I don't want to live and I can't die. There's all these choices but they all get me nowhere, so essentially I have no choices at all. 040207 ... Death of a Rose give the screws some more tightening. 040207 ... whether yeah i found a few extra pills 040207 ... birdmad drill_here 040207 ... snuff it will be crushed like a bloody tomato but i forgot how fond of blood you ole' boys are are you going to take me on a fishing trip and lose me in australia with someone else's face on my passport? i don't really have any excitingly delightful choices to make, do i? NO! so don't involveme in your stupid shit i've got to walk the dog 040209 what's it to you? who go blather from