we_were_wolves unhinged the rain made the cars extra noisy on the highway outside her window. she lay in bed heartbroken over their parting. he was making dinner for his wife across town and burnt the onions for the filling for the en croute he was making because he just couldn't seem to focus. she kept thinking of what appeared to be the pleading in his eyes before he finally walked away, but what exactly he was pleading for she wasn't willing to decipher. for months they danced around each other like two wolves, eyeing for weaknesses, waiting for openings. in the end she decided the best course of action was no action at all. her heart cracked from lack of use and loss. 220105 ... unhinged he closed the space between them quickly, stopped a little too close with a husky dropped voice 'what do you need my help with?' her heart fluttered and her eyes dropped so that her eyelashes touched her cheeks and he chuckled and backed up a little 'oh sorry,' he shook the nervous energy out of his hands and shifted his weight back and forth between his feet. she was still tongue_tied when he asked again in a more neutral voice 'have any projects you need some help on?' on the surface it was a work conversation. the silent_conversations underneath did not go unnoticed by anyone including their coworkers though. his body language slid from friendly, work appropriate to suggestive with a subtle movement of his hips and legs back to friendly so fast she couldn't be sure if he really meant it or it was an accident. she convinced herself it was an accident. she reminded herself of his wife who he seemed to bring up more often in conversation with others. she intimated, joked, and cajoled to take the heat off the situation so she could focus enough to complete her tasks at work. then one night, she went home from work and had two beers instead of one. she found herself inebriated enough to let the name she really wanted to hear emerge unbidden when she made herself come. she felt just how deep he had managed to get inside her but she pretended that it was just the extra beer she had consumed. the next day she steered a wide berth around him at work afraid he would smell the lust on her if she got too close. 220107 ... unhinged she waited until their boss asked everyone to fill out the spreadsheet for holiday weekend overtime shifts before she bothered to look at it because the microsoft program they used annoyed the fuck out of her after using macs for almost twenty years. she had some religious and friend obligations to juggle but noticed his name on the day she preferred. her heart thumped as she added a Y to that column under his. she decided to stop at her favorite bakery to get treats for everyone working overtime with her that day. she got a mixed assortment of her favorites to share. there was plenty of orders to pick that day so they worked mostly quietly, rotating breaks in case the fedex truck came to pick up the parcels. he came back from his break a little breathless 'where DID you get those?! that was soooo good.' 'i know right? i love that place.' his eyes rolled up in his head in agreement as she added 'i don't get this way often but that place...foodgasm.' his eyes widened a little and he laughed 'oh yeah... definitely.' she had brought more than needed just to make sure no one was left out. the topic of the extras came up as they were getting ready to leave for the day. 'well people that didn't work today don't deserve treats' he said a little sharply. 'i agree. if you want another one, go grab one.' his eyes lit up and he dashed off the grab one before the alarm got set. the next morning they were picking orders together again and he siddled up next to her pretending to look at the pick sheet while he talked quietly enough that only she could hear him, conspiratorial 'so i got really high last night and took a big bite out of the pastry i took home.' she laughed 'i usually buy at least a few croissants every time i go in there and i've been known to do the same.' their eyes touched briefly in a knowing stoner glance and his voice dropped even more quietly 'and then this morning i gave the rest of it to mel.' she tried not to bristle at the mention of his wife, hoped there wasn't a detectable amount of scorn in her laugh 'you...took a bite out of it and gave it to your wife?!' he hung his head but the corners of his eyes creased like he was smiling under his mask 'yeah.' 'i could see myself doing that.' they both shook their heads chuckling and went back to picking orders. she tried not to think about or ascribe layers of meaning to the facts. but_still he had taken a bite out of her pastry before he gave the rest to his wife. even on the surface, those facts were incriminating. 220108 ... unhinged she wracked her brain for any possible way they could stay friends that wouldn't hurt his wife. her heart said no. masked; she found herself glad that he couldn't see her mouth when she refused to be swayed by his batting eyelashes. she knew her lips were puckered with the pain, like biting on a lemon. hidden behind the mask, he could walk out the door unburdened by the twist of her grimace. they were fabricating variety assortments that would be resold on amazon. she was gathering the ten bar packs. he was boxing the ten packs with the special sticker barcode, building a pallet of completed cases of 10 packs. he seemed to nonchalantly ask 'so have you ever been engaged?' because he knew she had never been married. 'sort of.' his body formed a question mark and she laughed. 'when i first moved here i was in a relationship with someone who i thought i might marry. but when we started talking about living together...the things he expected me to give up for him, i knew i would divorce him eventually.' he seemed surprised at her answer but said the correct thing anyways 'so you did the right thing.' she could barely hear him over the clamoring of her empty heart. 'yeah i guess i did.' 220113 ... unhinged her eyes found him across the street and he crossed over to her 'i coulda kept walking awkwardly behind him or i could walk over here with you' he slowed his pace to keep up with her short legs. she walked slower than normal to keep him near her longer as they chatted about the goings on of their days. they had been doing separate tasks all day, heard different gossip and drama. they got to the driveway where the bike locker was behind the other building and he kept walking with her hesitant to end their conversation. she slowed down again knowing he was now going the wrong way. 'yeah, i guess i better say goodbye' and he broke away from her side and threw his arm up in a typicality male midwestern arm gesture as he turned back towards the bike locker. 'until tomorrow my friend' her smile fluttered under her mask as she walked away. 220115 ... unhinged her highly trained highly sensitive ears listened for any shift in the tone of his voice. it was like her brain had developed a new sense just for him. she could feel him if he was close, even when they were engaged in separate tasks. her days lagged when his tasks kept him at the other end of the warehouse. he was transferring and restocking things near her workspace. his eyes pretended to be busy with his lists and paperwork. his body inclined in her direction. sometimes she drifted his way, some inane comment crossing her lips, an excuse for conversation and contact. but this day, she was quiet, withdrawn, upset. she kept space between them when he stopped his cart full of heavy cases next to her. he could see her collapsed body language and slid next to her. she felt him close to her and froze, aware of her shitty toxic mood that she didn't want to pass along from social proximity. an old defense mechanism, to separate from the pack when she felt ill. instinctual social distancing. what he whispered in her ear, some comment about their boss in the coded language they had developed to shit talk in the open, made her laugh and chased away the dark clouds obscuring her mood before she could turn to see the way he maintained his physical distance but the weight of his presence flung her around much like the way the leading ballroom dancer would fling and turn his partner to face him. she turned quick enough to see the way his eyes were creased at the corners from the sound of her laughter. he went back to his lifting. she went back to her building. she shook her head when he was out of sight, another defense mechanism of the heart, the shadow of a defensive no to keep any more of him from invading her heart. 220127 ... unhinged she had developed the habit of grabbing her breakfast along with her lunch from the co_op near her final busstop before she made her way to the warehouse. usually, she ate her breakfast at the outdoor tables at the co_op because they were covered so she could sit outside even in the rain. that morning the sky was clear and the sunrise was beautiful so she decided to take her breakfast to the table with the chess/checkerboard inlaid in the table top near the canal path. it was a strange relic from the city's pre tech boom days on a small raised platform (maybe to give a better view of the canal?) with a fence of a box hedge planted around it for privacy. she placed her cell phone on the table, music playing on the youtube app emanating into the air around her. she had stopped using headphones so she could hear people approaching. a flash of red through the box hedge caught her eye and then his smile attached to his red coat strolled into her view. 'hey! how's it going?' she lifted her egg and cheese biscuit in the air to catch his attention. her heart thumped in her chest as he stopped to talk to her. an old flutter of anxiety made her hand start to shake as she tried to maintain eye contact and take a bite of her food. she looked up at the flock of birds still nesting in the naked tree near the canal and brought her eyes and the conversation to the birds in the tree. 'no. i have no idea what kind of birds those are.' but she had steered the conversation to higher ground, away from her trembling reactions. she crammed the rest of her food in her mouth, checked the time. they walked the rest of the way to the warehouse together. both of them ambling a little slower than they would have alone. the next day, as she was building gift boxes, he came over to her 'hey! where were you this morning?' her heart flopped over 'sometimes the first bus i transfer to doesnt come so i don't have time to sit and eat my breakfast. i have to eat while i walk over here.' 'well, i looked for you at that spot this morning. i think of it as your spot.' the next clear morning she decided to go to the table by the canal path to eat her breakfast but she didn't see him there. but she made it her place because he had assigned it to her. eventually she saw another flash of red in the box hedge and there he was again. and then the table by the canal path became their place to meet before work in her mind. 220130 what's it to you? who go blather from