breathless kerry alex asked if i’d ever seen breathless, is it any good. he’s been wanting to get into 60s film more, lately. vaguely. i said it’s okay, it was kind of a snooze to be honest. there were good parts. i don’t remember it that well if that tells you anything. for a while i was watching a lot of french new wave stuff. that was when i was sleeping in a closet, on a mattress that i carried under my arm to my next apartment. i was lonely and i ate kozy shak rice pudding almost every day. i didn’t read much. now i can admit i don’t really get the hype about french new wave. but i would like to feel breathless again there was that christmas that it actually snowed in atlanta and i was running almost daily then, it was below freezing but i went anyway and there was so much silence, lush and frosty and every house contained an entire world of its own. i ran in the middle of the street cheeks burning, breathless before that, the night at szimpla when i was weaving my way through the crowds of bodies, beneath hanging christmas lights and tropical plants and the medieval glass skylight, and steve walked up to me, took my face in his hands, and kissed me my legs disappeared twice more this happened, once when i was at the bus stop and he ran across the street and then vanished like some daydream and i was breathless i want more of that, again. it doesn’t have to be kisses at the bus stop. sometimes when i stand under very big very old trees like the sycamore in the plaza or the maple in my parents’ yard that bursts into flames and then drops its leaves every year i look up into the branches and feel like i’m in some holy place, nearly breathless. 211009 ... unhinged my skin_hunger so deep it feels insatiable a pain so sharp it takes my breath away 211010 what's it to you? who go blather from