bleakly_floating arwyn my wife's gramma died. the funeral was friday and I keep thinking about the two times I died. there was nothing. no dead relatives. no white light. like someone pressed stop and the world kept turning until I was suddenly back. it was peaceful. it was like floating in darkness. the only time I was frightened was when I woke up. electrodes on me. a nurse slamming a huge needle into my leg. I wanted to go back to that darkness, but it's comforting to know that this is what we get in life. There's nothing after. Just darkness. 181224 ... in a silent way i always find it fascinating how to some people the idea of there being nothing after this is comforting, while to others it's terrifying. you'd think if there isn't anything at all, then there's nothing to fear. but for some reason that thought scares me more than the idea of any sort of hell or in_between state. maybe it has to do with the mind being conditioned to believe a certain thing, fighting against the strong possibility that it's just a pretty lie we tell ourselves to give meaning to our lives when the meaning should be something we carve out during the process of living and not a gift we hope to have presented to us in the aftermath. 181224 what's it to you? who go blather from