amy is haunted. J. led me through something to "Lucas" he's very interesting, that Lucas. whether this has anything to do with J. is doubtful -- it looks to me like "next life" will need to be with late degrees of cardinal, Pluto probably. maybe when people have forgotten about him. that Plastic Ono Band record, do you think he needed an audience for that one? i like to think we'll meet in Turkey in the next century. pluto in aries, or if we all turn out really brave, cancer. of course, my Haumea just got wreckaged by Saturn. undoubtedly i'll be dealing with my Venus karma again. i'm not a big believer in other planets, 'specially since i've had such a remedial experience lately. in fact, i'm positive that "Lucas" is fairly meaningless, at least in the way i've cast it. Just trying to avoid a Saturn on my Pluto nightmare, I suppose.

J., who apparently has picked up some astrology, also taught me a few things about the karmic patterning of the Jupiter-Saturn cycle in the 20th century. someday i will have another discussion with a real astrologer about it. one can't lose hope, but I recognize that it would have to be an astrologer that is okay for my mental health. those cheery ones making money simply won't do, i'll feel cheated or stolen from, inevitably. J's a great friend, actually. even though in that whole process i felt like an trapped animal gnawing off its paw, i feel a lot better now. i kind of screamed it out, although not at all literally or loudly or whatever.
what's it to you?
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