substitution cole I cry tears from the fucking core of my soul and it hurts when they come out it hurts when i see the truth and i can't explain how deeply i feel you how incredibly inside me you are nobody knows love knows pain knows me like you do and you know so well and care so much... caring, passionate... don't want to hurt me but i read what you write - incredible true words from your soul your proufound soul -i come to know and the tidal wave of intense OHJESUSTHISHURTS comes over me i know you wrote it all for her it's all for her -your one perfect being- i feel my imperfection and i know with just a few j tears i wash off 020113 ... EECP What do I say? How do I say it? Would it matter? Life is pain and pleasure. Where do I fit? Why does all of my love turn to hurt? Why can't I serve this life as I would intend? Why? What am I? Why do I feel the way I do? Why do I struggle mind, body, and soul? If I cry do you hear me? When I die will you listen for me? When my final breath slips from this body will it say anything to be heard? I don't know what to say, except, I can't explain myself or my love. I will say this: I am truly sorry for what I am. 020114 ... Cole sorry to say, the act itself is no substitute for words of love. 060807 ... Cole After all this time, I still know you love her, no more, no less. I know you always will. We are happy, but with her you find bliss. I hope I can maintain a voluntary ignorance in order to enjoy each day as it comes... because I know that one day it will end, and it will have been a shame to have spent time lamenting in ominous anticipation. 061101 what's it to you? who go blather from