memories_like_clouds_4 cr0wl tina startled awake. she hadn't been dreaming but she had fallen asleep so hard against dennis's chest that it took her a few panicked seconds to scramble back to the awareness of her new, fragile reality. for a brief second before she blinked away the blur and wiped the drool from the corner of her lip, she even forgot where she was and that her mother was even sick. she slowly lifted her head up and smirked when she saw dennis looking at her. she shot both hands up to cover the blushing as it spread across both cheeks. nevertheless she realized she was where she always wanted to be. "you are so beautiful when you sleep," dennis said. tina slid her thin fingers apart just enough to see him gazing at her, his head cocked sideways to gain a peek. "how long was i asleep?" she asked, dropping her hands. she could not contain the happiness she felt and it leaked out through her spreading smile because there was just too much of it. dennis reached out and curled a long curtain of bangs around her right ear. "long enough for you to miss all the excitement," dennis said, raising one eyebrow. tina sat up abruptly. suddenly she was anxious with worry. her countenance dropped like a balloon that lost its helium. "is my mom ok?" "it wasn't about your mom," dennis said. she heard mystery in the tone of his voice and his face took on an odd glow that tina found enigmatic, as if he had a secret and part of it had to do with her. she turned around and melted backwards into his arms. she felt the bliss return. "tell me," she cooed. he could smell her shampoo. "i had a vision." "oh yeah?" "yeah. i did." "about what?" "me and you." at that moment, ellen burst through the waiting room door and headed straight for tina. lizeta and isaac were right behind her. 101026 ... unhinged 'auntie tina is grandma ok?' ellen buried her face in tina's long hair and squeezed tight. tina rubbed big circles up and down ellen's back and looked over her shoulder at her siblings 'i don't know. i think uncle joe is talking to the doctor right now.' dennis slid over a seat so that there was room for ellen between them. ellen looked over at him 'who are you?' 'ellen...' isaac bugged his eyes out at his rude daughter. 'i'm dennis. i've been keeping your aunt company and watching her sleep.' suddenly all four of them were staring at tina, every one of her family members with eyebrow raised. tina blushed. 'here. in the hospital. he's been watching me sleep.' tina drifted off into mumbles and isaac made a smaller group out of himself, ellen, and dennis to try to shield his daughter from the adult conversation. lizeta sat next to tina. 'you didn't tell me about a new boy' 'you didn't tell me about a new job' tina grabbed one of lizeta's hands in both of hers. 'you look frightened zet.' 'i had a weird feeling about ma at work and then isaac came in to tell me to come here.' they both turned to steal furtive glances at their brother. 'has dad been by today?' tina shook her head. 'i hope at least one thing works out for the good today' 101029 ... cr0wl isaac sighed and slumped down in his seat. making sure ellen was comfortable and compliant, he raised his arms in the oppressive, stale air of the waiting room and brought his hands to his face, covering his mouth and pressing his index fingers into his eyes. the gravity of his mother's illness weighed heavily upon him now that the family was gathering. there were things he would have to face one by one and they all came to him as strangers full of mysteries he knew he would have to unravel. he listened to the peripheral sound of the tina and lizeta's conversation full of an energy he had no ability to muster. while dennis showed ellen a game on his ipod, he picked up a magazine from the laminated table beside him he had no interest in, thumbed through it and threw it back. it slid off the top of the pile and fell to the floor. whether it was the soul-sucking florescent lights or the piped in generic hallmark music, he felt a numbing insistency, as if his skin was turning to plastic. he dropped his hands into his lap and tried to blink it all away, but there it was all around him, demanding him to be somebody he had no clue on how to be. my mother is going to die, he said to himself. like a lonely bird, appearing from a generous sky, he sensed memory approach him, landing on a bare branch of his childhood. he was ten and attending a party celebrating his little league baseball team's championship season at his coach's dairy farm. several of his teammates were climbing a rickety ladder in the hay barn and then jumping into the broken bales. "one more time," he remembered telling them as they rushed out, having been called to join the bar-b-que. isaac forgot about the missing rung and he fell backwards about twenty feet, landing on the concrete ground. fortunately, he shielded his head with his arm as he hit, but no one saw him. he had knocked himself out and did not even know how long he was unconscious. later that night, when he came home, his parents were fighting and his arm hurt. he knew he had damaged it, but he didn't want to tell anyone, lest he, by his demand for attention somehow caused his mom and dad to blame him for pushing them further apart. he tried to sleep but the pain nagged at him and forced him to address it. he went to his mother and she cradled him without judgement. she didn't drive, and since his dad had not returned from the bar yet, she had to ask the neighbor to drive them to the emergency room. there was only one thing that relieved the pain and it was the look in his mother's eyes. he knew he was the only thing that mattered to him at the time. "isaac?" he felt himself yanked back to clarity. memory folding back in on itself. "are you coming?" it was lizeta. he beheld her impatience for a brief moment and then looked over at ellen. she seemed to be studying his distance, cocking her head with a curiousity he had never seen her display before. "yeah," he said, exhaling. there was an ache in his lower back. he picked up the magazine from the vinyl tile floor and set it back on top of the pile. 101101 ... unhinged 'i hope grandpa doesn't show up while we're here,' ellen found herself thinking. her dad looked nervous and it made her uncomfortable. she squeezed her aunt tina's hand again. 'oh. ellen.' tina looked around at the assembled adults. 'who is going to stay here with ellen?' 'i can' dennis offered. isaac stopped abruptly. 'i don't know....i don't know you.' 'oh isaac. he's not going to run off with her or anything. i know where he lives.' tina's cheeks flushed. 'it's ok dad. he seems cool. you should go see grandma.' ellen smiled at her father without showing her teeth. lizeta dragged isaac forward through the hospital doors onto the ward floor. 'when did my kid get so grown up?' isaac was looking around like he had never seen a hospital before in his life. 'i don't know. you tell me.' lizeta nudged him with her elbow. 'isaac...what's up with you today?' 'what if she dies zet?' 'that's kind of unavoidable isaac. i hope it's not anytime soon either, but she has to go sometime.' 'i'm not talking about any existential crap. i'm talking about now. soon. today. next week.' his words came out harsher than isaac intended, and lizeta stopped suddenly, pulling him to a halt. 'i know what you're talking about asshole. because you haven't seen mom in awhile cause of your shit with dad, you are flipping out. but you are here now. that's all that matters.' david sauntered into the waiting room high as a kite. he noticed his niece with a stranger. 'hey little ells. what's up?' 'hi uncle david.' ellen stared at the floor and noticed the pattern in the linoleum. 'my dad and everyone went to see grandma and the doctor.' 'looks like i'm late then.' he plopped down on the other side of ellen and flipped his sunglasses on top of his head. 'who are you?' ellen looked up at dennis quickly as if to warn him 'that's auntie tina's friend dennis.' dennis stuck his hand out and david started to laugh. dennis and ellen both cringed at the volume of his voice 'friend huh?' 101102 ... cr0wl dennis allowed his hand to hang in the air temporarily, but he knew david wouldn't shake it. he already deduced he was an asshole by his crude eruption and if by some miracle he did comply with the expected and respectful social grace, he would have squeezed his palm like he was crushing something disgusting. but like he figured, david folded his arms and sighed, letting his stiff body language speak his obvious coldness. he shook his head, considering his sister's stealthy manner of playing hide and seek with boys and also with pity for dennis. dennis let his hand drop to his side and he wiped his open palm on his jeans as if by doing so he could somehow erase his rudeness. "i guess tina didn't tell you about ben," david shot forth before dennis could turn away. "ben?" dennis asked, as if it was a foreign word he could not translate. "yeah, her boyfriend," david said, placing a heavy accent on the word "boyfriend" in a strategic attempt to further distance dennis from the picture and give him pertinent reason to question it himself. dennis felt his blood rush to his cheeks, but before he could stammer out his usual mumbling jibberish which typically accompanied an effort to defend his own life, ellen pushed against dennis's legs, leaning into him like a friendly puppy and burst forth her personal line of defense. "but she broke up with ben." "when? today?" david laughed. 101103 ... unhinged suddenly, sarah and abraham tumbled through the doors. 'well if it isn't the biblical duo?' david sneered loudly enough to once again make ellen and dennis cringe. 'oh why don't you shut up david?' sarah lifted her sunglasses and set them on top of her head. 'we're late.' abraham stated as he shook his head at his brother's flapping lip. sarah had walked up to ellen and sat down near her. 'will vlad please come to the manager's office.' vlad heard the announcement over the loud speaker at the walmart he was a greeter at and his stomach turned. 'shit. marian.' as soon as he saw the look on his manager's face, vlad knew something was wrong. 101106 ... . memories_like_clouds_5 101111 what's it to you? who go blather from