box_of_fire_4_jasminum_sambac raze ( box_of_fire_3_a_gift ) the couch made a weirdly comfortable bed. i had to let my legs hang off one of the armrests to get my body to fit lengthwise, but i didn't mind. it brought back the edges of a sepia-tinted memory. something about being a child and stretching out on a couch not unlike this one, feeling safe and loved. the anxiety left me alone for the rest of the night after jim left, but i had a hell of a time getting my brain to wind down. when i did get to sleep, my dreams were fragmented and difficult to hold onto. all that stuck around in my memory was a single moment. i was standing in what looked like a small barn. i could feel hay crunching beneath my bare feet. there was something comforting about that. a young girl with short-cropped strawberry blonde hair was standing in front of me. she was wearing a little black dress. she couldn't have been any more than six years old. she gave me a stern look. "you can't stay," she said — a younger parent admonishing an older child. "i'm_dancing_here." shortly after i woke up, stephen was knocking at my door. i let him in, grabbed the report that was still in the typewriter, and brought it to him. he stood in the doorway, giving my work a quick once-over. "this looks good," he said, his eyes scanning the text. "and it looks like you two have something in common. neither one of you owns a car." "the similarities are astonishing," i said. "we're like brothers who were separated at birth, what with our shared ability to reduce hulking bullies to quivering messes with the mere touch of our hands, and our otherwise quiet, peaceful ways." he let out a small laugh without looking up. it was nothing but the quick sound of air leaving his mouth. "i thought you'd like to know," i said. "i have furniture now." that got stephen's attention. "do you really?" i nodded. he took a few steps inside, pivoted to his left, and saw the couch. his smile grew so wide and grotesque, i thought it might rip the skin clear off his face. he clapped his hands together. "oh! fantastic!" i couldn't tell if he was having a laugh at my expense, or genuinely pleased. it didn't matter much either way. "i thought you’d be proud," i said. he pulled an envelope out of his suit's breast pocket and gave it to me. "small bills," he said. "the way you like it. maybe consider buying a coffee table? now that you've broken the seal, the sky's the limit." he tapped both hands against his thighs at the same time, twice. then he turned and walked back toward the door. he stopped just short of passing through the doorway, and without turning around, said, "by the way...i enjoyed your little comment about me being unhelpful. very tasteful. very smart." "just being honest." "one of your more endearing qualities." he slicked back his already-slicked-back hair with his hands. not a single strand moved in any appreciable way. i could almost see him smiling through the back of his head. "do enjoy your couch," he said. "as for our other business...go on as you have been. there's no real urgency to this assignment. we're just keeping notes, for future reference. you'll hear from me if anything changes." he left, letting the door slam behind him again. i was upstairs cleaning the glass and a bit of dried blood out of the sink when there was another knock at the door. that was odd. it wasn't like stephen to visit twice in one day, for any reason. "what now?" i said, pulling the door open. "did you forget to tell me some—" it wasn't stephen. it was stickman. my subject was standing a foot away from me, just outside my home. in four years of doing this work, i'd never had anything like this happen before. i stared at him in stunned silence. he stared back at me, unblinking. "this isn't the way it works," i said. "i follow you. not the other way around." he didn't say anything. (of course, dummy. he *can't* say anything.) what do you do in a situation like that? i did the only thing that made any sense to me; i invited him to come inside. he slowly shook his head no. "okay. how can i help you, then?" he held out his right hand, the way you do when you're meeting someone for the first time. but he wasn't initiating a handshake. he wanted to show me something. "forgive me for being a little wary, but the last time i saw you take someone's hand, it didn't end well for the other person." he smiled a little and shook his head again, guiding his hand closer to my stomach. something in his eyes told me he didn't mean me any harm, and he wasn't going to show me anything i wouldn't be able to handle. i'd never taken a good look at those eyes before. they were blue, and brilliant, and filled with a quiet intensity that was a little intimidating. i took a deep breath. i took his hand in mine. his skin was smooth and cool. i felt a tickling sensation start up somewhere in the back of my brain as his grip tightened. before i could finish forming the thought that i wished i had the ability to spontaneously form a finger inside my head to scratch that mild itch, i was standing in a field of green that stretched out as far as i could see. there was no transition. no segue. it was exactly like a jump-cut in a film. i was one place one moment, and the next, i was somewhere else altogether. (do i know this field?) "no. you've never been here before." it wasn't that i heard a voice tell me this, so much as i *felt* it. the words were conveyed to me on some deeper level. the voice that wasn't any kind of audible voice belonged to stickman. i knew that without being told. he was here with me, even though i was alone. i began to walk through the endless field. i saw wild grass. wild flowers. ash trees. gooseberries. i came to a tall evergreen vine. the leaves were smooth, but for a few small hairs at the base. the vine held a single white flower. it looked something like a rose, but somehow i knew it wasn't. the bud was mostly closed. i stopped to take a closer look. i bent forward to smell it. it was sweet. enthralling. (i don’t know this flower. what is this?) "jasminum sambac. jasmine. she belongs to the olive family oleaceae. this plant doesn't bear seeds. you need to take great care to reproduce it, through cuttings, and layerings, and other methods. flowers on this vine are closed in the morning, and open at night. the cycle repeats everyday, year-round. they need to be treated gently. they'll only show you the purple-black fruit that's inside when the sun has left the sky." (but there's only one flower on this vine) "yes. she's an aberration. a mistake in nature. beautiful, isn't she?" jasmine. i rolled the word around in my mind. i held it on my tongue. it had never struck me before how gorgeous those two syllables were as pure syntax. i took in the scent again. i felt like it was filling me up with life. then i was back where i'd started, standing inside my front door. i felt like i'd been ripped out of a dream. stickman let go of my hand. it took a long time before i could speak again. "why did you show me that?" i asked, once the words had returned to me. my voice sounded hoarse. "what does it mean?" he just smiled. there was something in his face that looked like bliss. he reached into his left pants pocket and pulled out a neatly folded piece of white paper. he handed it to me. i unfolded it, read what it said, and when i looked up, he was gone. there were five words written on the paper in faint grey pencil. he'd printed them in neat block letters. "listen_to_what_you_see." 121224 ... raze i spent the better part of the day trying to wrap my head around what stickman had shown me, and the words he'd given me. i couldn't make any sense of it. once it was dark, i thought i'd pay jim another visit — this time during working hours. he flashed me his inimitable grin as soon as i walked through the door. "how’s business?" i asked, leaning against the bar on my hands. "dead, dead, and dead. and i like it that way. it means i don't have to compete with any of the other lost souls who work here for tips, because i'm here all by my lonesome. present company notwithstanding." "i was gonna say." "actually, we've got one other guest this evening." "yeah? who's the third musketeer?" "see for yourself." i turned around and saw the dark-haired girl i'd noticed before, sitting a few tables away. this time her hair was tied back in a loose ponytail, bangs cradling her forehead. she was writing furiously in her thick brown book. she looked content. lost in a trance. she was wearing sapphire earrings and a dark blue evening gown. there was a tiny line of a scar just beneath her right cheekbone, barely visible beneath what little makeup she had on. she wasn't just pretty. she was beautiful. "love is in the air!" jim crooned in a smooth, surprisingly pretty baritone. "love is in the air." i punched him in the arm. "fine," he said. "be that way. but i'm telling you, you should go talk to her. this is the best shot you're ever gonna get. it's like all the stars are lined up just right for you tonight." "i don’t know about that." "give it a shot. what's the worst thing that could happen?" "you want a list? i could find out she has no personality. she could blow me off. she could kick me in the shin. she could pull a squirt gun filled with vinegar out of nowhere and spray me right in the eyes. my day's been strange enough already." jim looked at me through arched eyebrows. "you're not gonna let this go, are you?" "nope. i've talked to her a little. she's alright. you've got nothing to worry about. at the very least, you might make a new friend. then you'll have two! two whole friends!" "i'm not going to give you the satisfaction of hearing me laugh at that. well, what's a good line? not a pickup line. the kind of thing you say when you want someone to think, 'this is an interesting person, and i should spend some time getting to know them'." "hmmm." jim thought for a second. "i've found what always works well for me is saying something like, 'i would very much like to procure a whip, with which to mark up your fine, porcelain skin'. and then you know right away if they’re into the kinky stuff, and you can go from there." "thanks," i deadpanned. "you've been a great help." "it's what i’m here for," jim said, holding his hands out in front of him, palms outstretched. i walked over to the girl’s table. "excuse me," i said. she stopped writing and looked up at me. "i'm sorry to bother you. but i've seen you in here before, and i was just curious. what are you writing in there?" "just random thoughts. what about you?" "what am i writing?" "mm-hmm." "well...i...i don't have a pen and paper with me." "but we're always composing something in our heads, aren't we? rehearsing something we want to say to someone, even if most times we never get up the nerve to let those words out." "my brain's a little too noisy for that sort of thing," i said. "no pen and paper up there. just an old typewriter." she smiled. it lit up her whole face. "can i ask what your name is?" "you can ask," she said. i waited a beat. she didn't say anything else. "i just...oh. i see what you did there." i looked at jim. he was smirking. you little shit. you knew i was going to like her. "you can join me if you like," the girl said. "i should give my wrist a break anyway." i pulled out the chair across from her and sat down. "thanks," i said. "why come here to write, though? it’s not exactly a coffee shop." "i heard that!" jim said. "don't knock my coffee 'til you've tried it." "i don’t know," the girl said. "there's something about this place i really like. and there's jim, of course. you two are friends?" "yeah. jim's a great guy." "i heard that too!" he said. the girl laughed. "i also seem to do my best thinking at night," she said. "during the day, i feel...closed-off. sluggish. it's like i don't really come alive until the sun goes down." "closed in the morning, open at night," i said. "huh?" "oh, nothing. just thinking out loud. how is jim's coffee, anyway?" "rocket fuel. i couldn't live without the stuff. you should try it." "maybe i will a little later. right now, i'd just really like to know your name." "i'm jasmine," she said. 121224 ... amy adaptability yes i honestly find this to be awesome and a half. just had a botany class - can appreciate a "jasmine". 121224 ... raze thanks so much! 121224 ... next — box_of_fire_5_a_long_walk_to_take_alone 121225 what's it to you? who go blather from