i_feel_it_closing_in grendel muses on inevitability (day in, day out - day in, day out) I am not all that old, but the choices i made when i was younger and a few of the ones i still make now have left me feeling every second of my age as if it were two, or even ten (physically, at least) mentally and emotionally, i am comfortable most of the time with a few lapses into my old manias and despairs, but compared to when i first came here now those episodes are the exception and no longer the rule my new madness is this bizarre, recurring paranoia involving death by some sort of gruesome yet highly improbable accident, the particulars change each time i have this feeling, but nonetheless, there it is. no sooner did i shed the immobilizing layers of fat than the immobilizing layers of prior stupidity manifested as lingering aches ("If i had known i was gonna live this long..." he says) funny that all my youthful self_destruction wasn't what got to me, what's getting to me is the increasing awareness of the passage of time ridiculous old creature creeping along the streets, heh-heh, hee-hee, ho-ho. 100831 ... unhinged my_turn_to_go 100901 ... dxl better to be taken out swiftly by some unforeseen accident than by some long lingering illness, no? 100902 ... birdmad true, but as it stands now, i have no arrangements made as to who will take care of my cats in the event of my sudden demise, which is probably my only major concern when it comes to the subject of mortality ridiculous as that may sound 100902 ... Doar it doesn't sound funny at all birdman. trust me (although many haven't), the thoughts you have are a mortality breathing down your back. and you have thoughts about not yourself, but others that are important in your own existence. those that have given you joy/happiness/experiences. keep them within you, they are yours and make you be you. again, my two cents, for what it is worth. . 100903 what's it to you? who go blather from