coasting_my_way_to_another_life srealisma first of all, i have a life that isn't horrible. i can appreciate many things. second of all, i tend to outgrow vast swaths of shit with regularity but the people around me, holding sway, do not. turns out it wasn't about whether i grew or not... third of all, there is much i can do, salvage, and learn, and there might be new chapters still, but what came down in the 00's was way too exciting for some sort of normal, grounded existence to live up to. must be loyal to that, or it will be forgotten and etch-a-sketch erased. fourth of all, internet relatedness is surely second-rate. the time i spend on the internet is simply the result of me being completely, or totally, dysfunctional. and it always has been, on some level. fifth of all, death will suck and be shocking but it won't be an amazingly, astoundingly, soul-crushingly horrible thing. i'm just not like that. in fact the only thing i really feel like i need to do, essentially, in this life that i do have, when i contemplate the end of it, is to clean up a bunch. somehow that makes the continuation, after its end, not at all terrible. finally, "coasting" is far too mild a word, but if all dharmas are dreams, i suppose that's a fine way to describe it. i'm glad it's not my mother that i wanted the most. sure enough, the revelation is a relief. 130117 ... unhinged it took a lot of effort to get to the top of this hill but now that i see you at the bottom of it, the trip home is so much easier. 130117 what's it to you? who go blather from