lethargy Raina Strong is the force that pulls at my being Every nanosecomd of every moment I feel myself being drained. Been this way since I was very young. Once I soaked up the realization that this world is an ugly place, the positivity started seeping out of my pores. Wrote my mom a letter when I was 13, told her I kinda sorta wanted to kill myself. Tucked it in her purse. She wrote me back saying she would kinda sorta "lose her fucking mind" if I did. She tucked it in my diary with the newly broken lock. At first I was mad, but she left an entry that kinda sorta made me want to stick around for a while. She told me that I should never ever feel I should live my life for anyone else, and that sometimes our feelings of displacement and sorrow are indicative that we should be doing something greater than we are. The ones who offed themselves were too chicken to find out what that is. Well, thanks to her invasion of privacy, and that entry I am still here 15 years later. Not thinking of suicide, but still with that succubus that lingers over me. Still looking around and seeing the ugly multiply like rabbits on xtc. However, still seeing the faint, fleeting glimpses of beautiful that keep my eyes curious, and in no rush to have them closed permanently, for now. 040926 ... misstree something inside is eating itself and starving. 040927 ... Ouroboros so tired all the time body is weary limbs heavy eyes start to close every part of me saying "It's time to sleep!" 110415 what's it to you? who go blather from