watching_ducks andrea I can’t tell if all of these encounters with ex-flames, ex-lovers have resparked the fire and created this inferno in me or if all they have done is reminded me that I have loved, been loved, been hurt by love. But it isn’t necessarily the love that has caused an ache in me-it’s the ever present knowledge that I can only love so much before I must open myself up to let their love enter my heart. It’s so easy to blame my father- the first man I ever loved, then lost through no doing of my own. It’s obvious that I’m fearful it will always end like that. Reasonless abandonment and so in my mind I cast all men with potential in my life as a definite heartbreak. They’re going to leave, so why don’t I leave first-save myself the questioning. Make it so I’m the only one to blame, a self-fulfilled prophesy, some would say. But I justify it as simply being aware of my weak spot and doing all I can to protect it. copyright 2000 000507 ... oldephebe beautiful - you know what? it strikes me that i need another adjective for beautiful - maybe it's time to go to the the much hated thesaurus - bah! a poop pile upon that! Od's blood i will not resort to that device of the monosyllabic and monochrome imagination - well then what about sylvia plath and how she turned the use of a thesaurus into the rhetorical arsenal for her phenomenal metaphores and mind blowing juxtapositions and evocations? ..but still this was b e a u t i f u l 030901 ... nomme) from the bridge 050708 ... pete i like ducks 050708 what's it to you? who go blather from