secretly_deep_down icy but it will never surface - i am too much a coward. and i don't know how to bring it back, breathe life into it again. i've lost the directions, misplaced the touch and feel for something like that. i told you i was broken, but you didn't believe me. it was the best way to explain, because i don't understand it. perhaps that was what drove you away. you could tell something was missing, something vital and necessary. if i'm nice, you assume too much, and i end up hurting you. but if i try to be somewhat distant and reserved, you tell me i'm cold and frigid - and inhuman. tell me, did you mean cruel or monstrous? secretly_deep_down, i want that companionship, the sharing, the trusting. but it's not worth it anymore. 050822 ... Sonya ... 060419 ... stork daddy cruel or monstrous, totally trusting. neither is honest. but one is endlessly fascinating. 060419 ... Ouroboros you thought you were black inside hollow filled with dirtiness and shame thick and ugly threatening to leak out whenever you started to feel good about yourself about your life about the things you had accomplished and that voice that deep blackness would mock you and rob it all take away meaning but rotten and helpless and guitly over and over 060419 ... egger punched in the gut 060420 ... sab i am cold and suddenly i notice that ive lost the ability to be by myself today seeking out contact like an ink stain spreading which doesnt bode well for all the jobs i have to do today 060420 what's it to you? who go blather from