silentbob's_corner silentbob i used to have this corner in the halls of my school. me and my friends would sit there before homeroom. we all had our different colored sweatshirts. then they all left. when i was alone, i sat at my corner all by myself until new people joined me. it was my corner. and when i left they stopped sitting there. 020819 ... silentbob it seems like i always meet these girls and they're always the perfect one for me, the girl i was meant to be with. then they turn out to have boyfriends or not like me or not want to talk to me. and i go home and write about it. 020915 ... jane aw bobby well if it makes you feel any better i used to be the one in the corner 020915 ... Freak Me and one of my friends sat in the corner before 1st period on the first day of school. We figured our friends would see and and everyone would come sit with us and that would be our little spot every morning. We sat alone in the corner every morning for the rest of the year. 020916 ... silentbob you can come play. its safe here. 021016 ... Anthony i would have sat in bobby's corner 021018 ... silentbob 2002-04-13 10:50 a.m. previous not forever there are little dandilions sprouting fromthe grass next to little purpley flowers. i like spring. tho it makes me hurt. I recieved some excellent news on thursday evening when i found out my friend Stephanie aka doris is going to be living inthe same city as me next year. This will afford us much time to see each other/go shopping/go to concerts/ watch movies/ eat food/ look at dogs/make out etc. i imagine she's probably reading this, so i had to throw in the make out etc part. anyway. i am excited by this fact. muchly looking forward to it now. last night i went with a boy laramie from my public speaking class. we went to coralville to his place and i met some of his friends. we ordered pizza and drank lots of mountain dew while i frustradely tried effortlessly to learn Dungeons and dragons. i don't think it suits me because i don't care that much and don't have that kind of patience or attention span. but it was fun nontheless by 12:30 we were playing trivial pursuit which usually i rock ass at but last night...good god. did i ever suck. between the time i got there and the time i left, lauren and liz and molly came and got me and i hung with them for a while. they always seem to be in a constant state of boredom. it makes me wonder if they have any joy in their lives whatsoever. they rarely seem entertained/amused/pleased oranything of that nature. i came back to laramie's and drank more mountain dew and ate more pizza. also while i was in the iowa city area i purchased a bright eyes cd at this record store and i was going to pay for it and i wa slike uh do you want my money? and the guy was putting vinyl into plastic and he waslike, "Yeah can you wait a sec?" which normally wouldnt be anything worth mentioning but he looked right inmy face and it kindof scared me because i dont like eye contact. it scares me. but yeah. it just seemed like he was annoyed and i felt stupid. damn record store clerks. actually, i'm probably overdramatizing it. maybe thats how he is as a human and he meant no ill will. or maybe he's a cyborg come to wreak havoc on the record purchasing community. Mother fucker! i find music to be a very big part of my life and sometimes mentioning the name of theb and im listening to helps set the mood of what the night was like. or maybe i like to mention the band so people will go "Oh hey, that guy likes the same band i like, i think i'll message him" or "Hmm i haven't heard of this band before, perhaps i should." anyway. I'm afraid people are reading this and going "The fuck? WHy does he always mention what cd he bought? Does he want fuckin brownie points? DOes he think we as a diary reading community will think he's fucking special cuz he listened to a burned copy of maybe i'll catch fire? Huh? What a fuck face. I'm going to expose him for the very fuck face that he is!" But no. it's not about the brownie points, childrens. its about the soundtrack. its special to me when things of music nature happen, such as cds i buy or things we listen to on the way. no ones ever accused me of such things, its just all the paranoia i have in my head. and if i can tell you what i listened to on the way... then you'll know what the ride was like. meanwhile, back at 430 am. i was riding with laramie back to CR. we just started pouring out the everything inside of us. he told me things about girls, i told him about danny and betsy. and when i was telling THe Danny And Betsy Saga like i hardly paused for breath. it was like this huge exhale of blahblahblah and i didnt stumble over my words. its almost rehearsed now or something. Oh yeah. Then i walked in at like five and went to the bathroom. SUch was to be the end of a fine night. until... what i put into the toilet didn't want to go down the hole. it almost went all the way down, but not quite all the way. it was just resting in the bottom. So i flushed again. SUDDENLY IT ALL STARTED COMINNG UP!!!! this never happens! not in MY toilet! what was i to do? I grabbed the nearest plunger and began manuevering it in such a way that was completely useless against the forces at hand, and failed its purpose greatly. The plunger is designed to stop all toilet problems. Period! and it FAILED! SO now i've got a toilet full of shit up to the brim in the most fowl smelling water known to...me. i've got water on the floor that splashed out. i've got like a heartrate of 20000 beats per second, and i've got a panic attack at 5 in the morning. Taking huge wads of toilet paper and then cleaning up shitty water off the bathroom floor and sterilizing it with 409 all purpose surface cleaner is not my ideal way of spending the wee hours of a saturday morning. And the shit remains. 021022 ... silentbob 2003-08-27 1:27 p.m. previous next some melodies are like disiese He smokes his cigarette and exhales grey, like the the horizons of cities with factories judding out, and tells me a story of a man who took lots of acid and stared at the sun. When he went blind he tried to kill himself. "Was it a long story?" i ask him "Yeah." "I've been trying to write longer stories. It's not good when i can say everything i need to say in two pages." He shrugs and quotes someone i don't recognize, something about longevity and brevity, something i don't remember. He tells me he went to school in a town sixty miles away from mine and tells me a story of boy who dropped a bong, so men with guns and knives threw him through a plate glass window. The police never found him down there. I laugh and ask "Is that somethng you wrote?" "No, dude. That really happened." "oh." "i saw his arms all cut up and bloody..." I tell him i better get going and i tell him Peace. I wonder how much of what he told me is true, and how much of what he told me is a fabrication to impress and entertain. And i wondered how much time i could kill before work, since my multimedia writing class let out early. This is my 500th entry 040806 ... silentbob god fucking dammit 040807 ... guitar_freak bobby, how does one learn to know themselves? See, after this whole Anthony thing I am trying to figure out who I am and what I want out of life and love. is one supposed to search for the right person or do they come along one day and land in your lap? My brain is being swallowed by all sorts of whatif questions. Like, what if I don't find another person to love? Don't get me wrong, every day that goes by makes me more positive that breaking up with Anthony is the best possible thing for me. Still, now I find myself searching for all of these answers. Answers to questions that can't be answered. You've always seemed to me to be an individual who isn't afraid to be himself. How do i get that freedom back? I used to be the little punk rock girl moshing at the local shows with all the guys, dancing like a slut because I didn't care what anyone thought of me. Now, I'm the girl who stands in the back of concerts scared she might see someone she knows. 050111 ... silentbob it's hard to get it back. you have to feel comfortable in your environment to do it. maybe you need more connections or more time. or a new scene. a new crowd. who knows? 050112 ... silentbob Sometimes i'm not sure about you. You are hard to figure out. I haven't quite gotten my thumb down on you yet. i don't have you pegged. sometimes you show your face through the clouds in different ways: your head on my shoulder, kicking my ankle, your hand brushing mine. Today i looked at you until you looked at me and you smiled and it seemed sincere. sometimes i think you want to kiss me. because i want to kiss you. and i'm projecting that on you. sometimes i think you want someone else. and it makes me rethink everything. you have a loud laugh. and questionable friends. maybe i don't want to surround myself with them. what wasted unconditional love on somebody who doesn't believe in the stuff. 060516 what's it to you? who go blather from