serial_story epitome of incomprehensibility Not to put any pressure, but I'd like to read more of _siblings_ (__siblings__?) The conflicts and details are interesting, and people act weirdly in an individual way, not in a sitcom way. If I am being picky, there was one point where I wasn't sure who was talking: when the older brother says something like "you won't end up like that" - maybe add a little "he said"? Maybe it is finished. And it's good that way too. But I'd like to read more. 130625 ... raze there's more coming...quite a bit more. my plan is to add a little more every few days. to be upfront (as opposed to downback?), the whole thing is based on 16,000 words worth of sporadic notes i took between 2006 and 2008, stemming from some strange phone conversations i had with one of my sisters, when i was wondering if i might need to use the information gathered to try and get her out of the house i left as a teenager. reading that word document now, after forgetting about it for a few years, it struck me that it makes for a pretty odd story, fragmented as it is, and it might be a good excuse to try experimenting a bit, getting rid of quotation marks, not using any names, shaving things down as close to the bone as possible, and making it a little murky — because all i really knew, for the most part, was what i was told, and what i heard happen over the phone. things heard and unseen. i've tried writing longer form stories before, but i'm not that adept at working out plot mechanics beforehand or creating fictional universes (i think i was better at that sort of thing when i was a kid), and i tend to lose steam or hit a roadblock at some point when i'm playing it by ear. the whole box_of_fire thing is a good example of that. there was a huge explosion of creative energy, and then, once i had everything pretty much set up and the "world" of the story about as fleshed-out as it was going to get in my hands, i wasn't sure where to take things or how to go about building the central conflict. i'm still trying to figure that out. i think this one may be a story i can actually finish, even if it ends unresolved. so i'm rewriting what's there in those notes, bit by bit, shifting it to the third person and chopping out some random personal asides, but not embellishing anything i heard or was told. i haven't decided yet if i should throw in the odd memory or link to my own experiences, or just leave it so there's no real main character and the reader never really gets inside anyone's head. i guess it's nonfiction approached as if it were fiction, with the literary conceit that almost the entire thing takes place over the phone; most of the time that was the only contact we had, since her mother and father (my stepfather) did everything they could to make sure we wouldn't see one another in the flesh. and i kind of like the challenge of trying to make it mostly clear who's speaking without using any names or too much "he said" and "she said", though it might be problematic at times. for some reason i feel like the lack of quotation marks fits in with the whole phone-centric nature of the thing, though i'm not sure that makes any sense at all. on another level, the whole thing is a way to write about something personal from a certain distance. i don't think i could ever write a memoir about my childhood, and i don't think it would be any good even if i could pull it off, because i just don't think i'm a good enough writer for that sort of thing. but maybe there's something worthwhile in viewing it through the muddy water of someone else's eyes, who had their own horror story i wasn't always involved in, that i only have an incomplete picture of. maybe explaining all of this robs some mystery from the story...but i don't think any of it counts as a spoiler. i hate spoilers. they're so spoil-y. in any case, i'm glad someone's reading the thing and not feeling it's a complete waste of their time. ha! hopefully in the end it'll all add up to something, somehow. 130625 ... raze (i could have just said, "thank you for the kind words, brave conjurer of cerealism." but no...i had to be all long in the wind and crooked in the tooth...) 130625 ... e_o_i Don't apologize for writing too much! If you'd really written too much here, my wordiness meter would have made a little "ping" sound and then you'd have to pay yourself twenty-five cents, but since my wordiness meter did not make a "ping" sound you can give that quarter to charity. I like the look of it without quotation marks. Your dialogue seems simple and realistic - I can't tell the real from the invented parts. I like writing dialogue, but rather than being too concise I fall into the trap of either putting too many "saids" or making everybody do superfluous actions. A little action, like... Mac raised his chin. "But I LIKE multiples of three. They're so much sexier than multiples of two." ...can be well-placed, though I often overdo it. And now I'm second-guessing my own description. If Mac raises his chin, his whole face will go with it, so maybe I've said things wrong, only I want to convey that Mac has a sense of not-entirely-serious pride (and here is where my wordiness meter goes "ping" and I have to pay myself a quarter) 130626 ... e_o_i From another angle, I know how constant arguing can wear down the bonds of families and other people-groups, and I'm sorry about the original reason you wrote this all down. I don't think it was on the same magnitude for me, since most of my family dysfunction was caused by me (why, when I was six, did I think it was a good idea to write "Antarctica" on my bedroom walls with a permanent marker? especially since I spelled it "Antartcica"! and etc.) 130626 ... e_o_i (No, no, the Antarctica bit was unrepresentative. Pure whitewashing. Take the time when I was eleven or so and my mother and I were trying to make up after an argument. "I love you," I said, and then I slapped her in the face and laughed while she started crying. If all four of us had been like I were then, there wouldn't have been any of us left.) 130626 ... e_o_i I shouldn't be depressing in parentheses, should I? As a literary technique, it's overused. Besides, here I am hijacking the thread as a confessional when it would do me better to save it for discussion. "Ping!" Mea culpa, always mea culpa, innit (mind you, Mac is one of my characters in the alleged novel I'm writing; he is the narrator's half-brother, the narrator being an evil composer not at all based on myself, not at all...) 130626 ... raze hey, hijack away. hijack, i say! if i was the only one sayin' stuff, it would get pretty boring 'round here in a hurry. i think it's a lot more fun when that isn't the case. more energy to bounce off of. one can only bounce off of oneself for so long before one becomes a very stagnant rubber humanoid ball. is it wrong that i laughed at your eleven-year-old self's make-up tactics? i never wrote anything on my bedroom wall that i can remember, but i did get it in my head at some point when i was a kid that the real word for "naked" was "negative", and while in my underwear, somberly told my mother, "i'm a little bit negative right now." if only we could travel back in time for a day and hang out with our childhood selves...i think it would be pretty entertaining business. (also, if at some point you feel like posting excerpts from the novel you're working on, i'm sure i'm not the only one who'd really enjoy reading.) 130626 ... e_o_i If I went back and met my past self, one of me would probably get hurt. I don't know why I was so mean-spirited sometimes and nauseatingly sweet other times, like in the picture I'd drawn at age six or seven that I found - "Love is Love" in loopy pink letters with rows of happy people holding hands. Of course, I'm sure most of my time was spent doing boring things, not mean or sweet ones, because that's just how life is. Negative sounds like it should be a longer form of the word naked, doesn't it? I remember when I thought "international" meant something that was really, really important. So when I was making up a show with hand puppets, I'd talk about what an international show it was going to be. I feel more like posting shorter things here, I mean in terms of fiction or surreal sketches. But turning something of mine into a serial story of sorts isn't beyond possibility. Also it annoys me sometimes that I can't use italics on blather, which is probably a sign I rely too much on italics. 130627 ... unhinged i still talk to strangers but now i get paid for it. but my mom was right; sometimes i shouldnt talk to strangers. they end up hurting me 130627 ... e_o_i Some thoughts on __siblings__ again: real-life conflicts are damned frustrating things, but the details told later on sound funny, and you think, "How could people act like that and take themselves seriously?" or "How could I act like that (etc.)?" In this story's case, the swearing parrot and the details of the sisters' rivalry made me smile. And the part about the mother being a human who exists. That was also sort of touching, though why exactly, I can't quite tell. My feelings don't always stay in touch with me. I tell them to call once in a while, but they're fickle sorts. 131011 ... raze i know what you mean. i even went to the trouble of buying my feelings a prepaid calling card, to make it easier for us to keep in touch. but they're always off doing their own thing, stirring up trouble. they only call when they need bail or a made-up alibi or some such thing. thanks for still reading, and for the kind words (i said it this time!). i'm glad to know there's some humour in there and it isn't all just an oppressive onslaught of stuff. i think there should be some more weirdly amusing bits to come, along with some that are just plain weird. 131012 ... raze (also, dig how my plan to "add a bit more every few days" back in june failed miserably. i should have seen that one coming six miles away.) 131012 ... raze speaking of serial stories, i really like what you're doing over on centennial_park. i hope there will be more to come. i've missed seeing longer story-type blathes 'round here. we are writing things! yay for us! 131113 ... e_o_i Thanks. I was writing things about parks on the island of Montreal, and apparently writing about parks on the island of Montreal makes me blend reality and fiction. The last bit so far needs editing; I wrote "lightly" when I meant "lately." No idea why I identified with someone who was killed so unfairly. But I remember being stricken with emotion (anger, because I can't just be plain sad, evidently) when I heard she ("Nirbhaya") died, which was either Dec. 27 or 28, I need to look that up. Or why present tense, or three-letter names for everybody - to name the lighter elements (more lightly)? 131114 ... unhinged memories_like_clouds square_the_circle _prodigal_emotions_ funny i know im missing one but i cant remember the name 140206 ... raze maybe you're thinking of _i_dreamt_that_i_dreamt_ 140207 ... raze also, for ease of finding: memories_like_clouds_1 square_the_circle_chapter_1_ prodigal_emotions_ (it gets tricky to remember where some of these stories start, with all the numbers and underscores and such) and i guess one_was_a_spider_one_was_a_bird qualifies too, though i ran out of ideas the last time it was my turn. i should probably work on that one of these days... 140207 ... unhinged i knew you of all people would remember johnny. thanks :-) 140207 ... raze haha! glad to be of service. and i just like linking stuff, too. i think that's your influence. 140207 ... e_o_i Wow! I can't believe I haven't seen those yet. Thanks for the links. I just started reading some... 140208 ... e_o_i The next __siblings__ installment, I forgot to say, is very good and weirdly ambiguous. Is that an ending? But it could be they were telling other people that the brother was dead? 140505 ... e_o_o also? why? am? I? using? excessive? question marks? for things that are not questions? 140505 ... e_o_i e_o_o indeed. Epitome of oops? 140505 ... raze the epitome of oops! i have been that thing before! ee-oh, ee-oh-oh. and thank ye. it wasn't meant to be an ending, but now i'm starting to like that idea. i guess it'll come down to whether or not i want to put the work into writing the rest. ha! 140506 what's it to you? who go blather from