impostor_syndrome when darkness falls they wouldn't talk about it, none of them, so my plans to get some answers on how to deal with it all fell through. i had to change the topic as the air got heavy. maybe they didn't know what i was talking about. i was ready to tell them openly how i felt. every day the same shit. on a smaller scale now, but by no means gone. the first year was the worst. it was overwhelming, debilitating. too many years of experience that i didn't have (and still don't), too many books that i haven't read, too many words that i can't remember, too strong a feeling of incompetence. too much effort to prove that i deserve to be here and that i'm not lying them all through my teeth. i'd kept from sharing it with others lest they thought i wasn't qualified for the job and was getting paid more than them. in the end i was just a transient who didn't remember how he ended up there. only luck would seem to explain it. 150402 ... past it's been haunting my sleep and my dreams, creeping around the edges of my vision. 150403 ... Tourist Energy posing as Matter, Spirit Masquerades as Flesh, Reality IS the Supreme Impostor it seems. 150403 what's it to you? who go blather from