incandescent raze i'll meet you somewhere your face bathed in light luminous & shapeless 030215 ... raze you're a tourniquet i'm the soggy wick douse me with gasoline have you got a match? is it still intact? nothing emerges unscathed here there's nothing i can give you that you don't already have can't pull it from the air like the nonexistent bond we share 030219 ... raze fragments of skull tepid & moist all we've got is this crystalline haze & a mutual lack of desire for something tangible impotent conversation is a poor substitute doubling as distraction and redemption a grainy black & white print of you covering your face 030224 ... raze a week without masturbation is a week without holding hands don't decorate your body you look fine the way you are 030306 ... raze it seems like you love everyone in varying amounts at different times when convenience allows i'll write volumes of abysmal poetry to draw one smile from your swarming lips then rub them raw with my clumsy hands of sandpaper and forced rhymes you leave all you ever do is leave maybe there's nothing worth hanging around for maybe there's nothing worth growing attached to 030406 ... raze all our friends have gone we've weeded them out vacant mooching maggots we'd rather stare at our bedroom wall the process of dissociation is surprisingly painless it's like gutting a fish & sucking its innards it pays to be selfless a true friend will stab you in the face a true friend will call it an accident a true friend will take advantage of you when you're weak not just anyone gets to be exploited slit your wrists with a butter knife disinfect the filthy afterbirth of an evening wasted with too many words it's been said before, much more eloquently you could never hope to move past this point we've gone as far as our charm will take us something elemental's missing it always has been we'll spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out what it is to no avail [[[we will fail]]] 030419 ... raze a few things got in the way of our impeccable plan communication is key our body language is so confusing it doesn't matter what the question is the answer is always the same nothing about you will ever change your altruistic bullshit or your porcelain face the forehead crease was conveniently placed to placate the masses a pair of shoes too small for a pair of feet too slow to dodge another herd of laugh-line scum a listless sack of bloated lard floating in the kitchen sink appalled by the sudden downturn in finances vomit cleans the dirty dishes indigestion influenza surgically remove the mole, or you die 030523 ... raze i'll fall asleep on your bathroom floor my head against your toilet i'll think of something profound & forget every word of it tomorrow 030529 ... raze when you reach what you've convinced yourself is the idyllic destination, you realize that all the sacrifices made & relationships fragmented don't really change you. your immediate emotional surroundings may be foreign, but you remain exactly as you were. the less you're able to feed through the gossip chain of acrylic wrinkles, the longer you'll stay afloat. you're the scab i pick on friday nights it all adds up to nothing, anyway 030608 ... raze i had a dream you were real. it was a terrible dream. and so i put pen to paper. free association writing. don't think about what you're writing & don't stop moving your hand. supposedly, you sometimes tap into to a revealing, uninhibited place. all i produced were phrases alternately unintelligible & almost attractive. it isn't the same as creating poetry in your sleep, only to wake up & find it gone. the bypassing of the inner editing facilities is the same [or at least the attempt to bypass them], but it's almost relegated to an academic exercise. the purity of accidental creation isn't there. it's music. movement. searching for a place that transcends emulation & influence, if such a place even exists. i think i've caught a distant, fleeting view of it once or twice. just enough to throw a bit of crumpled newspaper on the waning flame. restless & jittery uninterested yet there's a need to keep trying because sometimes the failing is enough. maybe someone will eventually come across your accumulated failures & find some truth in them. you can't slay mendacity, but you can make it irrelevant for a few tantalizing seconds. 030612 ... raze you wear melodrama like a sequinned gown all raised eyebrows & empathetic moans 030627 ... raze it seems we spend a good deal of our time replacing people. friends. lovers. they leave us, we drive them away, interest is lost, contact severed or abandoned. we search for a proxy. cycle ends and repeats. sex rain depth implied sick currency "this is insane" skirt the issue tear the skirt if you're happy, i'm happy or i paint "jovial" on my face & call it a front television stupor cigarettes whiskey breath gloss over the details & blur the memories into one faux-cohesive reference point an advertisement for selective memory you write the jingle i'll supply the actors bottom of the barrel where the taste masks the dreck you all look the same if i ignore your quirks, i can pretend that you are i almost believe myself none of this is happening it's really just someone else's uneven independent film the soundtrack is evocative genius, but all the unrelenting cinema verité starts to drag after a number of years 030628 ... raze ||Feel-good Film of the Summer|| walked in on art trying to imitate life kind of like walking in on a sibling attempting suicide inhibitions will murder the transfer & conspire to drain away any immediacy made a collage out of cigarette butts & the thought of creating something worth preserving you're the scab i pick at on friday nights it all adds up to nothing, anyway you really don't have a clue it's all about you 030712 ... raze i kill it i kill it because i can but you won't let it die no union to be severed unless it's in your mind a product of your boredom & too many shitty movies the protagonist will die right here give him an award for "most glamorous exit" fashion his bones into a brilliant sculpture the antagonist will sip his scotch across the street, they're painting the kitchen of the ugliest house i've ever seen what could pass for a driveway sneers at everything crazy from paint fumes & stupid from the heat 030808 ... megan sunshine filtering slowly into my room morning, around 9 white sheets pulled up to my chin, a dream fading looking over, i see the angel that shared my bed last night grins and giggles escape as he wakes up how did i get so lucky? wishes it was more than a dream 030809 ... raze anything you can do without anything you can do without me is something you should be doing with someone else peel away this decency front like half-dead orange skin & we rape the ceiling & we tear the drapes into jagged tendrils & we're so fucking clean to be clean, one must be in constant pursuit of the unattainable the unattainable clean the oval that is you mesh with the cipher anything you can do without is something you should value enough to be able to destroy with little or no remorse for it is attachment & the refusal to move past it that will prevent you from experiencing the joy of depravity you can learn a lot about someone just from watching what they do with their hands pockets? clasped? [where?] scratching? fumbling? swinging? where the hands go and what they do when they have nothing to hold 030820 ... unhinged the blush bloomed on his cheek lurid like a neon sign GUILTY because i couldn't stop myself the words tumbled out in a rush to (connect) there was always a spark there 'it was nice to see you again' his face turned to mine in profile as he walked away tentatively like maybe he wanted to stay his cheeks flushed uneven my voice caught (just slightly) sounded melancholy even to my ears my heart thumped GUILTY my eyes his feet turned away back to the silence that made us GUILTY 160828 what's it to you? who go blather from