i_think_it's_because_i'm_alone alivefornow that i feel so weird i'm not talking to you, to anyone and i can't write as myself because they'd know it was me then these words might last longer than me and perhaps no one will understand them but they're not ground breaking anyway... i'm going to die and more importantly, i keep thinking that my death is on me and i suspect it's stopping me from living and this is all very gothic, and i don't mean it like that, i'm just a bit muddled... and i realised that if someone was next to me i'd feel much better it's as though if someone could be close enough and want to know me enough then they could keep me alive after i die. but i have many people who i believe love me. and they would keep pieces of me alive. so why would that person, who would unquestionably (and yet, why?) be of the opposite sex, fulfill these needs in me and make me more content? and why am i so human? and why am i thinking these things? because thinking them is not new and interests no one else. and there are no answers. and it's futile. and i better just get on with living. and i am. but can you think what you might feel in the last minutes of your life and then tell me you're not confused? we now return you to.... what? and why? 050103 what's it to you? who go blather from