appleton unhinged to_paul 'damnit....i'm not scraping that shit off' awkward silence when we didn't want to let go 080410 ... arwyn I can't go home. This bastion of my childhood. I played on the construction equipment when I was 5 and they were redoing Division Street. We played King of the Hill on the pile of gravel left behind at the end of the day. I played at the playground in city park in the shadow of my church, Christoph's house, and the university. I wasn't always a child there. I rode the buses from my house, to downtown, just to wander around and not be home. Sometimes I caught a transfer to the mall. Most times, I just watched people. Only once or twice did I feel unsafe. I jumped in puddles in summer, my hair froze white on the walk to school in winter when I was in middle school. I was on my own. I did a morbid makeover at the local hot topic with my best friend. I even dyed my hair black to make it authentic. We shopped at goodwill so our grunge wear was accurate despite the movement ending 4 years earlier when Kurt died. Then I moved. I had a new hometown. A new place to pretend I belonged, when my 90's angst that was endearing in the city became weird and antisocial in the small rural town. I was even more alone there, despite finding new people. I tried going home as an adult, but no one was there. I didn't belong. 181218 ... silentbob sundown_town 190126 what's it to you? who go blather from