feeling_lost
gay gizmo I'll never be what I strive for. And I hate myself for that.
I want something to die for. And I hate myself for that.
I feel so lost. So alone. So deep in a dark dingy alley.
I feel so sick of running towards something that I can sense, but never see, and never touch.
Goals are always set, but the task of reaching them has yet to commence.
Fear of failure leaves me stalled. Leaves me alone. Will leave me on my deathbed, alone and unsucesful.
Life will pass me by without a glance. Will I never give myself to someone and find that it was right?
Questions of my future leave me too stunted to do anything about them.
I'm sinking in quicksand. The more I struggle the faster I go. The faster I go, the more panicked I become. The more panicked I become the deeper I get.
There is no onenear. No one to hear my cries. My pleas echo only in my head.
The chills of manic madness paralyze my soul. Leave my body drained of hope.
I fear that I am already dead.
How could I be alive knowing that my death means nothing in the grandest scheme of things? Is that not worse than death?
021009
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