useless_and_fading Tildan Heady in the dark - I'm not really looking at anything - just floating, numb tonight. I have nothing to do. Or, rather, I have a lot to do but lack the power to make myself. This is beyond procrastinating - I've simply accepted that I'm not going to do anything constructive - nothing fun or enjoyable. I don't know why - I'm just going to curl up with a blur for visuals and a buzz for audio and sleep taste in my mouth and burning in my stomach. Fading myself into meaningless objects. Pouring my nothingness into the tv, the computer, the walls. I'd hate myself if I felt anything at all. I just feel like I've been left out in the sun and have lost my colour. 020915 ... farmfish i sigh at this. it be stirrin' something in me i used to feel, like someone i once knew i no longer be recognizin.' your writing, Tildan, seems to betray your banality, as if in these poetic descriptions of thee brutal honesty of your testimony there be residin' seeds. just plant 'em, be waterin' 'em. soon you'll be seein' your color come back upon thee flowers springin' forth out of your desire. 020915 ... squint faceless and waiting 020915 ... pushpins an tic i pat ing 020915 ... Tildan thanks fishy... I just get moments like that, and it helps to spell it out. I'm still planting and watering. Its all I'm about, really. 020918 ... spill fan moose tits and cake ring 020918 ... She beautiful, simply beautiful. 020918 what's it to you? who go blather from