memories_like_clouds_3 unhinged lizeta was at work. a new shipment of flowers had just come in so it was a busy day. trimming, bundling, putting the plastic wrapped bouquets in the plastic water containers after putting in fresh water. on one hand, she appreciated something to do. some days at the shop could be so slow. fresh flowers seemed to be going the way of hand written letters. obsolete. on the other hand, the sheer amount of work was a little daunting. 'at least carol is here today to take care of customers' liz thought to herself. it was early spring so the flowers that came in were some of lizeta's favorites. tulips, daffodils, hydrengea, gladiola, iris. rainbow of iris. she picked up the purple bunches and her mind slid into a deep memory from her childhood. it was memorial day and like every memorial day she could remember, her mom brought her with to the cemetery to put flowers on the graves of people she had never met. her great grandparents. 'my grandma didn't speak much english.' lizeta let go of her mother's hand. she was uncomfortable with her mother's distress. she never understood why they came to the cemetery if it upset her so much. lizeta looked up at the sky, over at the trees, across all the headstones to the big monolithic one in the center of the cemetery. anywhere but at her mother's tears. 'why do we come here mom?' marian looked down at lizeta, the sensitive one of her children, and wiped away her tears with a flick of her wrist. 'to remember my little bug. to remember. your great grandma was a beautiful woman. imagine how it must have felt for her to move so far from her home and the rest of her family to come here to give us a better life. we don't come here enough.' lizeta grabbed again for her mom's hand and squeezed. marian smirked at the adultness of the gesture. lizeta shook the memory from her mind like fog, an etch_a_sketch. it was such an old memory, not often thought of, that her heart skipped a beat. the iris came into focus and she dropped the bundle to the table she was standing at. one word escaped her lips, 'mom.' at that moment her intuition told her something was wrong. she ran to the front room for her purse and her phone. carol looked up startled, 'something wrong liz?' 101006 ... cr0wl lizeta looked straight into the eyes of a man who was standing at the counter, leaning against it as if this was the one chance he had to relax before his day was off and running and he was chasing it. she had heard carol's question of concern but was somehow waylaid in her sudden collision with the gentleman, as if she needed to hear his reason why he had come to buy flowers. and so she simply ignored her, like she often did, and instead asked the man if he was being helped. "no," the man said. he was wearing a black suit with a thin black tie. his hair was grey at the temples, but growing out from a buzzcut. his skin was dark from the sun but there were many wrinkles around his eyes as if the sun needed lines to write her poetry. he could smell lizeta's perfume and liked it. he thought it smelled like lilacs. "what do you need?" lizeta asked and she threw carol a look that suggested privacy was being requested. carol put her head down and left them alone. "a spring bouquet for my mother. she is quite ill at home." he said, turning his head slightly to the side. lizeta felt his eyes upon her like a chill a day of rain brings. she thought he looked sad, as if his mother might be dying. she suddenly remembered the premonition she had of her own mother. "sure," she said, smiling. "do you want to see what i have?" she felt her cheeks fill with heat. her breath was short. "yes," he said, extending his hand for her to lead. "thank you." she led him to the work room where she had laid down her iris. "come in here," she said, pointing to the cooler. "look at tall the color in there!" 101006 ... unhinged lizeta finished helping the man pick out a bouquet for his mother. the sinking feeling in her stomach turned into a knot and her usual friendliness evaded her. the man seemed to wilt under her closedness. as sensitive as she was, lizeta added guilt to the stew of feelings bubbling in her digestive tract after he left. she closed her eyes, gripping the edge of her work table, and took a deep breath in through her nose. carol's head popped gopher-like into the backroom, 'isaac is here liz.' lizeta's eyes popped open so abruptly that carol flinched 'why?' 'i don't know. he didn't say.' carol turned away quickly and practically ran away from lizeta into the other room. lizeta followed. 'isaac?' he was staring at the display of fancy vases. just like isaac to pay more attention to the container than the contained. he turned towards her voice 'oh hey,' he looked down at the worn spot on the right toe of his shoe. 'joe wanted me to come get you. something happened to ma today. he wants us all to meet at the hospital.' the knot in lizeta's stomach tightened and pulled into a rock. 101019 ... cr0wl isaac clutched at his lips, pinching them with his fingers as if he were trying to trap his words from exiting, but they had a life and purpose of their own and they escaped for he was the messenger of doom, a particular gloom he had not wanted to present. he could see lizeta was troubled by his statement and so he turned around to leave, even though his heart was urging him to reach out to her in this scary time, hug her like a loving brother should, provide a place she could allay her fear. he paused. he let time erase his good intention and turn into regret. she was still there leaning into the counter. "she's going to be alright," he said, catching her eye for a moment. there were clouds of tears forming. "i'll see you at the hospital." isaac waved and then pushed through the door. his twelve-year-old daughter ellen was waiting for him in the idling jeep cherokee. he pulled open the door. lady gaga's "alejandro" was playing on the stereo. she turned it down. isaac sat down and stuck the keys in the ignition with a banal finality ellen found herself addressing. "is aunt lizeta ok?" she asked, closing her worn copy of "hunger games." she tapped the paperback copy nervously against her thigh. isaac noticed it and knew that the imminence of death had made its unavoidable presence known to her. "she's worried," he said, turning the key and sparking the suv to life. he craned his neck to see if it was alright to enter the main st. traffic. ellen didn't respond, but she could feel questions gathering in her mind like birds on a wire. "if grandma dies," ellen said, staring past her father out the window to where a mother was holding her son's hand at the corner red light. the boy was wearing a suitcoat and tie with plaid shorts and white socks pulled up to the knee. "then what will happen to her?" isaac heard the question and gritted his teeth. he winced thinking of the death of his mother. it would make him an orphan. he would have no parents. "she will go back to where she came from," he said, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. ellen sighed. "no one knows where that place is." 101022 ... unhinged isaac sucked in a breath. he hated the hard questions. 'you are right el. no one knows where that is.' he reached over and turned the radio back up, signaling that the conversation was over. ellen's eyes lingered on him for a moment. why did her dad do that? she was getting old enough to notice things she didn't notice before. they hadn't been to see grandma and grandpa for years. then grandma's sudden illness changed her dad's mind. when ellen asked her mother about it, her mother just dismissed the question with baby explanations. 'your grandpa and your dad don't get along.' 'why?' 'they are too much alike.' 'what happened?' her mother looked down at the vegetables she was chopping. 'things. grown up things.' at the time, ellen had heaved a dramatic and exasperated sigh and left the kitchen. in the seat next to her, isaac's mind was swirling as he drove the car. dad is already dead to me. and i've let myself be distanced from mom for so long because of it. she can't die. not yet. not now. i've missed her so much and all for nothing. shit. damnit. the car in front of them stopped suddenly and isaac had to slam on the brakes. they came dangerously close to the rear end and ellen squeaked. 'asshole' isaac shouted as if they other driver could hear him. 'dad' ellen's tone was reproachful like her mother. 'just stick your nose back in your book honey. i'll get us there safe. promise.' 101025 ... . memories_like_clouds_4 101026 what's it to you? who go blather from