cemetery nom walking_to_the_cemetery 060122 ... kerry on a bad fiery panicky day i sometimes take a walk, a brisk one to drown out the voices in my head. this last time, it didn’t help. there was a cramp in my left quad and my hoodie was too warm for the weather and i had this mean, feral feeling like if someone made the mistake of looking at me i might’ve torn their face off. i was looking for the lutheran church with the red doors and wasn’t sure what block but i knew it was very close and i thought, how funny would it be to ask someone, please can you direct me to the nearest church? but soon enough i found it. what i was really looking for was the cemetery. i walked around trying to find an entrance in the tall iron gate. the grass is so green and shiny and i kept thinking, god i would like to lie down on that grass. there were flowers on some graves, so someone gets in there somehow, to grieve. how? in a soccer stadium repurposed into a cemetery in sarajevo eve and i sat amongst some of the marble white gravestones that looked like posts, and watched a young man about our age kneel and lay some flowers on the ground before one of these white pegs, and he put his face in his hands and cried. and i felt terrible for seeing his grief that seemed so private even though the cemetery was a vast ocean. so many of the death dates were between 1992 and 1995. i’d watched that war on tv. i’ve visited other cemeteries in other countries but wrapping my fingers around the cold bars of this iron fence, the separation and privacy so explicit, made me grimace inside at how i’d treated so many deaths like souvenirs. 220512 ... epitome of incomprehensibility In The_Professor, where the narrator finally sees the woman he loves, after wondering where she went. I remembered two key scenes both being in a garden: where he's betrayed, where he sees the other person and realizes she's the one he really loves. But the second time it's a graveyard with trees in it. 220513 what's it to you? who go blather from