unmoving typhoid stuck in this chair can't go to bed for the life of me even though i look forward to dreaming happily. and happily waking up. ive been tired twice before tonight. but i can't pull myself away. absorbing useless information spouting useless thoughts nameless troubles lurking, but just shadow puppets. dispelled with a hearty laugh. 001226 ... jane i'm going to be [insert current age] forever. i've said that every year of my life. i feel like age is this dormant thing: unchanging, unmoving. i'm tired of living life every year. years are long but add up quick. i want to move on. i keep thinking that life is this big joke and i'm waiting to get to the punchline. or a book and i'm waiting for the climax. but i know that life is what you make it. things aren't going to just happen to me, i must make them happen. i'm trying my best but i feel like i don't have any choices at this point. so i am left, waiting, unmoving. "man is condemned to be free." -- jean-paul sartre 030306 ... . . 041208 ... lacunas coil ice wheels frozen spinning between the flakes dodging each silent spectrum flaring exinguished smoke and hesistations between each world as if each is its own world lost in the galaxy lost and alone linked by a bridge of nueotic pleasure 041208 what's it to you? who go blather from