there_are_moments the swinger of birches there are moments like loops and catches that grab up interest in the shape of a daydream, ones to which lend themselves the improbable task of musing about the what-ifs in life. what if i was five minutes sooner. what-if i had never showed up. what-if i was just a little late. 010718 ... silentbobfuckyou where i feel like screaming and hitting and throwing and breaking and fighting and biting and kicking and screaming and hitting myself until red marks show up on my arms and people say, WHY? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF and i say, it has nothing to do with how i feel inside, no,i just want attention, yeah thats the ticket. pay attention to me. 010718 ... arinna when i don't know i'm lying 010719 ... Aimee where I honestly think that maybe everyone is right and my heart is wrong.. but my aunt told me that if I don't follow my heart, it's just going to hurt me in the long run... besides it's my life 010720 ... fallen there are moments when i start to believe that i deserved to be treated that way.......there are moments when i want to be pretty......there are moments when i am on top of the world.....there are moments when my world comes crashing down around my ankles.....there are moments when i miss him.........there are moments when i miss her......there are moments when i wonder if they miss me.......there are moments when i can't stop laughing.......there are moments when i wish i could cry......there are even moments when i believe a hot fudge sundae can solve all the worlds problems.......there are moments..... 010721 ... the swinger of birches there is a moment when time reaches its point of expectation and we no longer are forced to commute through want. and a time in which contentment finds a way to speak freely on overpass nights solo or accompanied in which cigarettes can never do what his voice could do. 010722 ... continuous light there are moments when it seems like the world is frozen. just a second in time where everything stops so life can pay its respects to that one perfect instant. -that moment when the song comes on the radio, and you look around the room. the moment that you realize that as hard as life is, there are those seconds that you would never forget if you lived for eternity. there are moments that erase the wrong that's been done to a broken heart, even if the joy doesn't last. there are moments that i feel so alive. 020101 ... pralines&cream when I hate so madly and want to kill and destroy and rip and scream and thrash.... when I love to deeply and I want to squeeze and cry and beg and smile and run ... when I feel nothing and I want to sleep, sleep, sleep until i feel something else .... when I feel sorry and i want to apologize and take back the past... when I feel proud and I won't back down for you or anybody else... when I am open ... 020118 ... chanaka when i want to eat peppermint patties until i die in a pool of mint-chocolate vomit 020119 ... continuous ache and there are those moments that are forever etched into my weary heart. moments of anger, manipulation, distrust, disloyalty, abuse...moments that i would give my soul for a second's peace, blissful rest. a moment like this. sleep is a stranger keeping his distance, hiding in the shadows till i relent and rise still so tired. each moment that i'm without you, another part of my consciousness wavers. 020226 ... silentbob when i realize i read and write too much fucked up shit to feel disturbed by it anymore. This comes from the idea that a saves the day song that talks about suicide can be disturbing and i realize i don't even frown. 020226 ... chanaka that cause me to wonder: does she torment him on purpose? by just sticking her head in the door, his face brightens, like that of a mother looking at her baby, or an addict looking at his drug of choice. there are moments when he sickens me, pining after her like that. is anyone really worth all that trouble, all that heartache? no one ever pines after me. fuck him. 020226 ... birdmad when it's all too much 020226 ... kyla - or too little. There are a lot of those. 020227 ... silentbob when i really want to eat food from mcdonalds. and there are moments, usually right after i eat at mcdonalds, that i feel sick 020228 ... sage there are moments like these where i feel to sick for words because deep down inside I know I am dying. I know I have life in me and death in my hand, yet i scream in a pillow and wait for the end. 020914 ... kerry where my hands are freezing all on the outside skin and so hot inside like sweating through icy pores and my eyes are burning like now when i smell sick and no one will let me come near them and i have to lie awake for hours thinking about you and why i dont take advantage of times when we both say the right thing at the exact same time and kind of look at each other and then the moment is gone and i'm lying there, stale in bed 020914 ... jinx when I'm not sure if I'm really ok... 021021 ... Jarec there are moments when i have that sinking feeling of despair again i'm falling and might as well land on a knife i know that nothing is really wrong, but i cant think of how anything is right what would happen if i died tonight? 021021 ... unhinged when i can feel my heart breaking in my chest and i feel like weeping but screaming. i am so tired. so tired of friends and lonely nights and empty beds and nothing but my blankets to hold me tight. i don't understand why i have to continue this charade of being alive. swallowed missing angels proclaim cracked 021022 ... Cicero There are times when she swells in me. The ache rolls once again and I fall over, drowning in this sorrow. How? How could so much strength fail? How? How could someone cast off beloved friends like fashion? These are the workings of an evil soul, a wretched and needy soul, that promises only betrayal. Her starry-eyed delusions will fade away. How long until this is so is impossible to say. She will not remember me. She cannot handle the pain and cannot face herself. So she runs into another's arms and tells herself, "This is better for me. He is better for me." But really he is only another net, another bounce. She cannot be without a boy. She must have somebody always. She will only learn independence once she really, truly learns what it's like to be alone. Until then, she will forever be dependent on our compliments, and walk through this world with flattering hands guiding her along. I pray she finds herself. I pray she has the guts to become the extraordinary woman I know she can be. 041012 ... autumn when I could honestly swear I am lost in you. 041012 ... crOwl when you are so absorbed with talking to someone while eating and drinking at the same time and later you can't even remember what your food tasted like. 060408 ... Lovers Lament that i deeply wish were not buried in the drug and alcohol haze this: "-that moment when the song comes on the radio, and you look around the room. the moment that you realize that as hard as life is, there are those seconds that you would never forget if you lived for eternity." for instance. i remember this was a true moment, when i was with friends and a song came on the radio at just the right time. and i tried to freeze it in memory, but it got away from me. all i ever remember is the bad shit anymore, go figure. that is in startling technicolor. 130322 what's it to you? who go blather from